


Reasons To Love

by JudyOct98



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 10:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20290045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: Kathryn discovers Chakotay's New Earth program on the holodeck and gets some surprises.





	Reasons To Love

Rating: NC-17 

Reasons To Love   
By: J.A. Greene

Through love, through friendship, a heart lives more than one life.

-Anais Nin

Kathryn stood before her bathroom mirror after fitting the familiar blue dress she wore on New Earth over her head. She studied herself in the dress, noticing some of the weight gain over the years and how much she's aged. Chakotay still looked at her as if she hadn't changed, and she appreciated that, since the last four years, the stress alone should have made her hair white. 

She shook her head from that thought, not wanting to think about that. The ship was currently taking advantage of an extended shore leave at a Markonian outpost. Once they were docked, many other alien visitors requested permission to board Voyager and after much discussion with Chakotay and the rest of the staff, they agreed to host an open house. 

From that point on, their visitors made use of the welcome by bearing gifts for her - which now filled her ready room - and the messhall. Neelix was trying to keep up with the crowd and Kathryn had a crewmember assigned to help him control the mass. 

She also had a lockout code to all major departments encoded on the doors, so no one unauthorized could just walk in. She realized she wasn't even able to relax during the day with all the gifts arriving and greeting other diplomats. 

Tonight she decided it was time to relax, while the ship was empty of its guests. Deciding she looked okay in the dress, she ran her fingers through her hair to fluff and soften it. Satisfied with it, she walked out into the bedroom and slipped on the matching flat shoes. She then picked up her commbadge and pocketed it, then walked out to the nearby turbo-lift. 

"Holodeck," she said as the lift dropped to deck six. It slowed and she stepped out.

When the doors opened she greeted a crewmember in passing and approached the first holodeck finding it in use. She sighed hoping the other wasn't and walked over to it finding it still available. She considered it lucky, since the ship was on a skeleton crew and when in space, they had to reserve their time. 

She stood in front of the programs she could run and was undecided at what to choose. As she scrolled through the list, one skimmed by that caught her eye. She quickly stopped the list and backed it up until she saw it. All it was labeled was, "NE." 

She was curious at the initials and opened the folder with the details to it. There wasn't any, but it also wasn't restricted too just the creator. She scrolled down and found Chakotay's name there. 

Kathryn felt a shiver as she realized what he'd created. She bit her lip wondering if she should see it. Figuring he would have restricted it if he didn't want others' to use it, but figured he was asleep from their busy duty shift. If she felt the need to ask him about it, she would tomorrow. 

She then opened the doors and walked in finding herself standing in front of their house on New Earth. 

Her mouth opened slightly in shock of her surroundings. It was just as she remembered it except, the garden was full and bright with flowers and vegetables. She glanced around finding more flowers alongside the house and stepped towards the door of the house to see what else he'd changed when the door started to open. She started in shock and then quickly ran to the side of the house hiding from view. 

The door opened and she heard someone step out and close the door. Kathryn was intrigued as to whom she'd see. Quietly she peeked out from the side of the house and gasped shocked. 

She saw herself standing in the garden with a straw hat on her head looking at the vegetables. "What?" she asked softly, so her hologram wouldn't hear her. She studied her hologram finding her hair still long, but tied behind her and wearing the same blue dress. "Chakotay what have you done?" She wasn't sure if she should be angry he was using her hologram without permission, or flattered that he remembered her this way. 

Suddenly she heard the holodeck doors open and realized Chakotay was coming in to use the program. Thinking quickly, she said, "computer, delete Janeway hologram and replace with me." Her hologram disappeared and she stepped out from the side of the house walking over to the garden. She then realized her hair was its current style. She then added, “same hairstyle," and her shorter page cut became the long ponytail tied behind her neck. It took a moment for her to get used to long hair again. She shook her head and smiled realizing she actually missed her longer hair. 

Kathryn started to wonder where he was, when he appeared walking out of the woods. Her eyes widened as she noticed how attractive he looked dressed in a pair of soft brown trousers, a linen pullover top and was wearing a pair of brown boots. 

Her heart skipped a beat of how handsome he looked and ... relaxed. He was carrying his tool kit and she quickly gazed away looking at a flower to avoid catching his gaze in order not to give herself away. 

"Is the squash ready?" he asked her, as he put away his tool kit in a small storage shed she hadn't noticed before. 

How long has he been running this program? She asked herself.

"Kathryn?" he asked. 

She pulled herself out of her thoughts and glanced at him, “ah -they're ready -" 

"-Great," he said, with a nod and soft smile. He studied her for a moment, and she wasn't looking at him. "Is everything okay?" 

Kathryn looked at him, then she nodded, "yes, everything's fine." 

Chakotay nodded and walked over to her, "then, I'll start dinner if you bring in the vegetables for the salad." 

"I'll be right there," she replied, trying not to sound as nervous as she felt. Her eyes suddenly caught his and she drew a breath at the deep look he was giving her. He smiled and then leaned over placing a soft kiss on her neck. She almost gasped in shock, but forced herself to relax as his soft mouth and warm breath gently caressed her skin. At the same time, she felt her body rush with a warmth she hadn't felt in years. 

"Hurry up," he said pulling away, his voice soft and inviting.

All she could do was nod and he stroked her arm gently, sending another intense shudder through her and walked away. Once he was inside, she fought to control her reaction. Her heart slowed and she gazed around the garden at the various vegetables and found the basket. With some quick checking, she put the squash, lettuce, tomatoes and some cucumber into the basket. 

She picked it up and headed inside. Once she did, she now saw the changes he'd made. There was an addition built onto the back of the house made of a sturdy wood. Inside it, were the larger kitchen and a dining table. There was a window over the sink with simple white lace curtains, several cabinets, drawers and a small work table. 

Adjacent to that was the work table and chairs she remembered. She didn't see two bedrooms, but one. Hers was gone and a closet was in its place, the frosted glass was the wall between the one bedroom and the rest of the house. 

Chakotay looked over his shoulder at her, "are you coming? Dinner won't take too long." 

Kathryn nodded and slowly walked over to the kitchen placing the basket next to the sink. She spotted the wire strainer in the sink and began putting the vegetables in there to rinse them off. 

As she prepared the salad, she became lost in thought as she began to wonder exactly the type of relationship he had with her hologram. Something deep inside told her it was a loving and wonderful one, but part of her didn't want to believe that. She couldn't believe it, not after all these years. 

It had been four years since they were on New Earth. When they returned to the ship, she moved on. She had to, for her own emotional well being, but apparently he hadn't and had given no sign over the years. 

He looked at her. The salad was just about done. So was the handmade pasta and sauce. "Set the table?" he asked. 

"Sure," she replied and then turned to him with a hand on her hip. "Why do I always have to set it?" She even did for their regular dinners. This was becoming a bad habit. 

"Because, I always clean up," he replied and leaned over placing a soft kiss on her nose. 

She wasn't flustered this time, and she was beginning to enjoy his flirtatious nature. "And what am I doing," she asked curiously, "while you clean up?" 

Chakotay smirked and shrugged, "usually sleeping." 

Kathryn didn't say anything as she pondered that answer, not sure if she wanted to know why she was sleeping. Back on New Earth, they had agreed to split the chores' fifty-fifty. This was on that idea, but not the same thing each night, other than the cooking. 

"Well,” she finally said, "you sleep tonight and I will." 

Chakotay chuckled, "set the table, Kathryn. I'm hungry," and she gave a quiet snort of disapproval and walked over to the cabinet that housed the dinner plates and coffee cups. 

As she gathered the settings, it occurred to her that she already knew where everything was kept. How was that possible? Then she determined that he had fashioned the hologram after her. She would have put the dishes and silver in these exact spots. 

Once she had the table set, she got the bowl of salad and began putting some in each of the salad bowls. She could smell dinner and sighed, "it smells wonderful," she told him. 

He glanced over at her with a smile, "thanks." 

"You were always the better cook," she commented, as he turned placing the hot pot of sauce in the middle of the table. "I can burn toast -" 

"-I tried teaching -" he started, with a hint of amusement heard. 

Kathryn frowned, "oh no you don't go rubbing that in my face again," and he chuckled. She sat down as he returned with the pasta and served them each and then ladled the sauce over each plate. As she started to eat, she sighed, "I've never really thanked you for all you've done." 

He looked at her, "yes, you have. Lots of times," and reached over placing his hand on hers. She returned the grasp and smiled softly at him and felt another shiver travel through her. He then pulled away, "let's finish up," he told her. 

For what? She asked herself. 

Dinner was quiet as they talked about the project he was working on. A special channel to send water down to the house from the nearby river. She was impressed with this task as she talked with him, the feelings of just being with him came back. 

This was not only her first officer, but her friend, her best friend. But, right now, he was just her friend and companion in the New Earth simulation. She started to feel herself relax and enjoy his company again. 

Once they finished, she started to clear the plates. He reached out stopping her, she stared at him unsure why, "they'll wait," he said softly. He stood and pulled her toward him. 

Kathryn could feel the heat from his body as he pulled her against him, "Chakotay -" she said. 

He shook his head, "ssh," he said and leaned over kissing her gently. 

Kathryn fought her surprise when she felt his soft mouth descend onto hers. She wasn't the hologram he thought she was, but she couldn't tell him...not now. Not when his mouth tasted so good and was so soft and warm. And she felt her body rush with warmth again. She then responded wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her body to his. 

Chakotay's blood burned for Kathryn's hologram. Her response was as demanding as his. He wished for the real one, but knew it'd never happen and it was the only way to have the life with her he really wanted. He then began to walk them toward their bedroom, he wanted her. He wanted the real one...but this would have to do. 

Kathryn felt him moving them and pulled away gazing at him, "Chakotay -" she whispered and he smiled at her. She felt his hands caressing her gently over her back and down to her backside. Her need for him grew and she saw where they were headed. Suddenly she wanted to tell him it was really her, but her sudden hunger for him was more powerful. 

He leaned her against the doorjam to the bedroom and kissed her deeply again. She responded and gave a slight gasp when she felt his hands slide beneath her skirt to caress her over her panties. He felt her response and pulled her away and into the bedroom. He directed her over to the large bed located against the adjacent wall. 

"Kathryn," he groaned. He didn't want to wait. He then lowered her to the soft bed and lay against her kissing her face, working down to her throat. 

She clung to him in the growing passion, her mouth swollen from his kisses. She lay there as he worked down her body and sat her up to unfasten her dress. Kathryn had fallen under his spell and knew she had, as she let him pull the dress over her head, tossing it to the floor. 

"So beautiful," he whispered tenderly, as he kissed her again. He reached behind her unfastening her bra and let it fall from her. Her breasts were full and warm as he cupped them beginning to stroke the buds to hard peaks. 

Kathryn did the only thing she felt like. She reached up to his hips pulling his shirt out of his trousers and over his head. The moment she saw his strong, bare chest, her hunger overtook her. He was magnificent. She began kissing his chest deeply, her hands caressing his hips and backside. 

Chakotay groaned as she continued and began to unfasten his trousers. He helped her. His erection was becoming painful. Once his trousers were removed, she slid her hands into his boxer shorts and began to caress him. He lifted her head up kissing her passionately laying her against the bed. 

Kathryn felt him remove her panties and she slid her legs around his hips as they kissed deeply again. She felt him release himself against her and knew she wanted him. She also knew it'd had been years since she's made love, that the pain expected would only be brief. 

"Do you want it?" he whispered, against her mouth. 

She groaned in response, "yes," he kissed her again, opening her mouth to his, tasting her. "Yes," she whispered and felt him start to join them. She gripped his back and fought her cry of pain when he slid deeply into her. She then bit gently into his shoulder as he began to move slowly against her groaning. She winced as her body stretched to accommodate him, a few tears slipped down her face and she forced herself to relax. He didn't realize he should be alittle gentler she was supposed to be a hologram. 

Chakotay groaned loving the feel of her against him, her tightness creating a wonderful sensation. Her sounds of pleasure beneath him caused him to begin to move deeper. She gasped with a cry and he gazed at her, "oh, my love," he whispered tenderly, "you're so beautiful." 

Kathryn reached up taking his face in her hands, he kissed them and she felt her body shudder as he continued to move against her. She relaxed her hips as the pain faded somewhat and nodded wanting him to continue. She could feel her release building, as the ache built and spread. He kissed her again, beginning to move harder. 

Their groans built with their release and Chakotay plunged harder into her. He could feel her muscles clenching him, he was so close and waited as long as he could for her before he came. 

"That's it, Kathryn!" he groaned, he needed to feel her release. Kathryn whimpered clutching him as he kept talking to her encouraging her to orgasm. Did he know it was really her? Or did holograms just need encouragement? He didn't know, but she was ready. 

"Harder!" She ordered and he began to. She cried out again as her hips were being pounded into this incredibly soft bed. When she finally came, she felt the intense pressure release as she arched her hips to his and the shudder ran down to her toes, as they curled into the blanket. He then came, his life spilling deeply into hers. He groaned, collapsing against her, burying his face against her damp neck. 

"I love you," he whispered lovingly. "I love you so much." 

Tears threatened to fall again as her eyes burned, "oh god," she said, her voice caught. "I love you too, Chakotay." 

He lifted his head gazing deeply at her, and her eyes were bright with tears. "Oh, Kathryn -" and kissed her gently. She responded holding him and then he lay beside her pulling her against him. She shivered slightly and he reached behind him for a nearby blanket unfolding it and pulled it over them. 

Kathryn felt like bursting into tears as she lay with her back to him. She couldn't believe what just happened and he told her he loved her. She had just used him because of her need. 

"Kathryn?" he asked, curious. 

She fought her emotions and slowly turned into his arms, trying to ignore the ache in her pelvic region. "Yes?" she asked softly. She lifted her eyes to his as he reached up gently stroking the side of her face. 

"Are you thirsty?" he asked.

She was, but didn't want anything at the moment. She had to think of a way to get out of the holodeck before he ended the program. She shook her head, "no, are you?" 

He nodded, "yes, but I know you. Let me get something," and pulled away from her standing up. She lay beneath the blanket watching his magnificent form pull on his nearby robe and then wrap it around himself. "I'll be right back," and walked out of the bedroom 

Kathryn sat up putting her face in her hands. She had to leave now, it was her only chance. She saw her clothes on the floor and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She reached down for them and gasped as the ache sent a minor shock through her. She managed to pull her panties on and reached for her commbadge and whispered, "computer, replace me with the Janeway hologram back in bed. Beam me back to my quarters -" and felt the beam grab her just as her hologram returned nude beneath the blanket waiting for Chakotay to return. 

=/\=

The moment she beamed into her quarters, she stood in the dimness clutching her hand to her mouth as she fought the tears. Her clothes were still in her other arm and she forced herself to walk to the bathroom. She needed a bath because she felt awful for what happened. She never expected that to happen. 

As she walked into her bedroom, she dropped the rest of her clothes on her bed and said, "computer, fill tub, hot," and reached for her bathrobe pulling it on and sat down shuddering. "Oh God," she whispered, "what did I do? I -" and stopped as she remembered how he felt against and inside her. Suddenly she let the tears go and they stung as they fell from her eyes. She started to wipe her face, but they wouldn't stop. She stood up walking into the bathroom and over to the sink turning it on beginning to rinse her face. 

How was she going to face him in the morning? 

She sniffed and grabbed a towel drying her face and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and red, but she actually glowed from the sex. Her skin was translucent and smooth. She almost couldn't see that small wrinkle located in the middle of her forehead between her eyebrows from all the stress. She then ran her hand through her hair and reached for a clip to tie it up and back. She had heard the tub stop filling and turned walking over to it. After testing the water, she put some lavender oil in and stood up removing the robe and her panties. She then slipped inside the hot water with a groan, as the heat soaked into her aching muscles and she began to relax. 

As she soaked, she let herself remember what happened. He felt so good and he loved her. She wasn't sure if she loved him, maybe she did.. 

"Chakotay," she said softly and let her hands travel down her body where he had touched her. She felt her body shudder as she did and groaned in the pleasure of it. 

She knew she shouldn't be feeling this desire for him again, but now, she only felt the hunger again. She placed her hands over her face in effort to calm herself from this raging need. 

"Stop it!" she commanded, to herself. "Chakotay needs this program -" and stopped in thought, then added, "so do I." 

She finished her bath and dressed into her nightgown after brushing out her hair and tossed her clothes on the floor. She pulled the bedcovers down and slipped inside feeling exhausted from the evening's events. 

As her eyes felt heavy, she turned onto her side gazing at the picture of her and Chakotay taken during the slipstream early last year. Her eyes brimmed with tears again as the memory of his body curled against hers afterwards came back. 

"Forgive me," she whispered and let sleep take her. 

"Chakotay to Janeway." 

Kathryn moaned softly, rolling over onto her back, "hmm -" 

“Captain Janeway?” Chakotay's voice said again. 

She groaned, "yes, commander?" 

“Are you coming to duty?” he asked curiously.

Kathryn opened her eyes staring at the ceiling, "what time is it?" she asked.

"0830 hours,” he replied and she cursed quietly sitting up. "Unless you would like to take -?"

She tossed her covers aside and started to stand, "negative, commander. I'll be there in 20 minutes." 

“Yes, captain," he said. “Bridge out."

Kathryn stood up walking into the bathroom and over to the sink beginning to tie her hair back and wash her face. Once done, she began to apply her makeup. As she did, she saw how clear her eyes were. Despite sleeping through her alarm for the first time ever, she hadn't felt so rested. 

After she finished with her makeup, she quickly brushed her hair setting it and then walked back into her bedroom beginning to change into her uniform. As she did, she felt her pulse quicken knowing she'd have to face him and know how she was going to handle what happened last night. 

Last night...when she thought about being with him, she suddenly felt her breath shorten at the thought of possibly being with him again. She shook her head forcing it back. She needed to focus on business and not him. Especially him. Once she had her boots on, she reached over grabbing her jacket and pulled it on beginning to fasten it. Coffee would have to wait, she decided, as she headed out to the bridge. 

=/\=

Chakotay heard the lift doors open and a moment later Kathryn appeared looking calm and rested. "Good morning, Captain," he said, as she sat down. 

"Commander," she said, politely. "Sorry I'm late." 

He glanced at her and shrugged, "don't worry about it, we're on shoreleave. You could have taken the day if you wanted." 

Kathryn looked at him and suddenly her heart skipped as she remembered his face during their passion, only something she obviously knew. She forced herself to swallow, "that's okay," she said. "I'll be fine," and he nodded, diverting his attention back to the report he was reading. She sat there staring at the view screen attempting to stay calm, but his nearness was making it difficult. She then stood up, "I'll be in my ready room," she said and stepped down and inside. 

Chakotay looked after her slightly puzzled at her abrupt departure. Whatever was bothering her, he figured she would work it out. Although, he figured if she took a day off before returning to space, it wouldn't hurt either. Or, just to spend some time on the holodeck... 

=/\=

Kathryn turned away from the replicator with her hot coffee and sipped it slowly. She let it slowly soothe and calm her as she stood on the upper level gazing out at the space station before her and the small craft traffic surrounding it. 

The ship already had more guests starting to board through the airlock. She sighed, wondering if she should have taken the day off. They were due to leave in a couple more days and she still had work to do. 

She then turned facing her room and gazed around at all the gifts that were placed there. This had to be cleaned up, she reasoned. And then eyed that prehensile plant growing on her desk. How were they going to move that? 

That's when she remembered the innocent way he helped her detangle her hair from the plant yesterday. As much as she had tried to ignore it, she felt the heat of him then and when he had stood too close, part of the erection he'd gotten by helping her. 

She groaned, forcing herself to stop thinking that way about him. But, she couldn't help it. She wanted him again. And then, probably again... She knew she wouldn't be able to get enough of him. 

Kathryn knew she wasn't being fair to Chakotay if she impersonated her hologram during his program. She knew she'd have to tell him what she'd done or would continue to do. 

She just hoped he'd forgive her when he'd find out. 

Suddenly her door chime rang, she sighed, "come in," and the doors slid open as Chakotay entered with a look of concern on his face. She focused and looked at him, "problem, commander?" 

Chakotay stared at her, sensing something different about her, but couldn't figure out what. He shook his head, "no, but I was wondering if you were okay?" 

She frowned with a slight smirk, "why do you ask that?" And then wondered if he knew... 

He shrugged, "well, you overslept. You never do. Stay up late?" 

"No, actually I was asleep," she replied, "by midnight. And," she sighed, "one of the best nights I've had in a long time." 

"That's good," he said, with a nod. 

Kathryn stared at him and then said, "listen, do me a favor and get some crew to help clear some storage space for all this stuff. It's a mess and it needs to be out of here when we leave." 

"Yes, ma'me," he replied and started to leave, then turned back to her. "I've already got a request for another meet and greet," and she rolled her eyes. He grinned, "okay, I'll do it -" 

"-Thanks, Chakotay," she said and felt a rush of sudden love for him. Maybe it was love for her after all, when he did this stuff for her. "I owe you for all this. Extend the proper gratuities." 

"No problem," he said and started to turn, "I'll send a few crewmen up," he walked out. 

Shortly later, three crewmen showed up to her ready room and had everything organized and taken down to a storage area. The plant, however, was beamed down, to prevent further entanglements. 

The room only had a few remaining larger items left when she got word of a fight that broke out between Harry, Tom and some Kinbori and the Morphonian cafe owner. She shook her head in disbelief reading the report as they stood bruised and mussed in front her desk at attention. 

After both explained what had actually happened, she dismissed them to sickbay and restricted them to quarters for the remainder of shoreleave. Once they left, Kathryn leaned back in her chair trying not to laugh over the whole incident. 

Once calm, she leaned forward studying the list on her computer. It was the holodeck schedule for the crew who planned to use it in the next few days. As she scrolled through the time slots, she found Chakotay had reserved again for tomorrow night at 2200 hours. 

She sighed, it was the night before they left and on top of it, she'd have to wait almost two days... 

Her comm chirped, "Tuvok to Janeway -" 

"Go ahead, Tuvok," she said, still staring at the screen. 

“You’re needed in sickbay," he replied. 

“Tom and Harry,” she asked, “rough up the Doctor by threatening to send him to somewhere else he can sing in private?”

“No,” he replied. "Seven of Nine was attacked in her alcove while regenerating-“ 

Kathryn stood up, "what?" Her own personal desire forgotten when one of her crewmembers and especially hprotégée was harmed. "Is she okay?" 

"The Doctor is tending to her," he replied. "But, I think you'd like to see her attackers." 

"On my way," she said and left.

=/\=

The former drones, Mariska, P'Cham and Lansor wanted freedom from their tri-neural connection to each other. Since Seven had been part of their unimatrix before her liberation, they assumed she held the key to help break it for them. 

Kathryn didn't want to make this decision for Seven. It was something she had to do on her own and sat with Chakotay in the ready room discussing it. 

"I wouldn't," he said, "want to live that way. I can't imagine sharing my thoughts, dreams and conversation with another person, never mind two."

She nodded, "I completely agree with you," and took a sip of her coffee. Then she sighed, "whatever happens, they're welcome to stay on board." 

"I think we're becoming," he smirked, "the melting pot of the Delta Quadrant." 

Kathryn smiled and shook her head taking another drink. 

The next day when Seven and the drones underwent their memory regression and it was discovered Seven was the one who had merged all of their left parietal lobes together in order to go back to the Collective while marooned on that planet. Seven did it out of fear and when seeing the result, felt guilty over it. 

Chakotay visited her in astrometrics to help her determine what type of life was better for them. The life as a drone or one month to live from the surgery of separating them permanently. In the end, they opted for the surgery and the Doctor performed it on all three. 

Later that night, once the Doctor was done and all three were sleeping, Seven stood next to Kathryn in sickbay. The peace was evident on their faces. 

"Only one month -" she said softly, glancing down. 

Kathryn touched her arm, "yes, but it'll seem like a lifetime for them. They'll be okay." Seven nodded, "and so will you." She sighed, "come on, let's let them sleep," and turned her around walking out of sickbay.

Once Seven was back in the cargo bay, Kathryn headed to her own quarters to get some rest since they were departing early tomorrow. 

At that moment, her anticipation of being with Chakotay again wasn’t so important due to her sudden exhaustion. Although, she wouldn't be able to wait until morning and finally that night. 

She rounded the corner heading for the nearby lift and ran into someone. She gasped in surprise feeling gentle hands on her arms steadying her and felt a rush of warmth from them. 

"Watch it!" Chakotay said gently.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head and stepped back from him. "I wasn't paying attention." 

"Obviously" he commented and studied her. "Everything okay? You were a million miles away." 

She nodded, "yes. The Doctor just finished the surgeries and now all three are sleeping." 

"How's Seven?" he asked curiously. 

She started to walk, and he fell in step beside her, "just still unsure. When she sees them tomorrow, she'll know she did the right thing." 

"She did," he said, as she touched the button for the lift. "Heading to bed?" 

Kathryn nodded, "we've got an early start tomorrow. “You?"

"Settling down with a book," he replied, as the doors opened and they entered. "Deck two, officer's quarters," and the lift rose. They stood quietly for those moments and he glanced at her. For some reason, she wasn't looking at him. 

Kathryn was having all she could do to remain calm around him and forced not to look at him. She could feel her desire for him grow and wished he knew of that other night, but she still didn't have the courage to tell him. 

The lift slowed and the doors opened, they stepped out, "goodnight, Chakotay," and walked away to her quarters, just a few hundred feet away.

Chakotay stood there confused after her as he watched her enter her quarters and disappear. Something was up, but he couldn't figure out what it was. He then headed down the adjacent corridor to his quarters. 

Before the ship left that morning, both former drones P'Cham and Lansor departed and Mariska, the Bajorian stayed. Kathryn had comfortable quarters assigned to her for her time left. The Doctor was going to monitor her and maybe find a way to give her as much time as possible. 

When the ship was underway, Kathryn gave a sigh of relief. 

=/\=

Later that night, once Kathryn was off duty she returned to her quarters to prepare for that evening's activities. She felt amazingly calm as she ate a light meal and then took a long bath to remove any scents from her that day. Neelix had made an especially pungent soup for lunch and Kathryn thought it was good, but afterwards, Chakotay claimed he could smell it in her hair. 

Although she knew what she was doing wasn't fair to him, but, she couldn't stop, not yet. Her whole body tingled with anticipation of being with him tonight. As she looked for one of her New Earth outfits, she vowed to herself, she'd tell him within the next month or so. 

She found a deep red dress she had worn there and hoped it'd still fit. She debated on panties, but decided to, thinking her hologram wouldn't go without them. Once she was dressed, she made sure the computer had paused her hologram until called. 

She had also brushed her hair completely out and tied it with a ribbon, hoping its length matched the hologram's and he wouldn't notice. Ten minutes before he was to arrive, she went down to the holodeck and had the computer activate the program so she knew where the kitchen would be and then had it turned off where she waited until he activated it. 

As she stood waiting, she started to get nervous wondering if she should actually be doing this. Just as she was considering leaving, the silver holo-grids disappeared and the New Earth simulation came into full activation. 

Standing in the kitchen, she turned to start lunch from the food she had pulled from the cooler. She forced herself to calm and heard him enter the house and fought the urge to look behind her. 

"Hungry?" she asked curiously. 

"A little," he replied. "Hot out there today -" 

"-Well," she said and glanced over at him, "it's summer." He nodded with a smile and stepped up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist kissing her neck. She sighed, leaning against him, happy to be in his arms finally. 

"Last night was beautiful," he said tenderly in her ear. 

"Yes, it was," she replied and groaned when his hands stroked the curve of her breasts. Her body became alive and she turned into his arms kissing him deeply. 

Chakotay responded as she pressed her body to his, igniting his own desire for her. Her hands slid up his back caressing and exploring. He shivered feeling her hunger and pulled away gazing at her. 

"What about lunch?" he asked softly. 

Kathryn smiled a little, "it can wait, don't you think?" 

Her hands had settled just above his backside and he nodded, "yes, I think so," and kissed her again. As he did, he began walking them toward the bedroom when she stopped him before the dining table. "What?" 

Kathryn wanted him and had waited long enough, she pushed him down onto the chair he had made. "Here," she told him softly.

Chakotay smiled, his own hunger willing to try something new. "Come here," he told her and reached out taking her waist and pulled her up to him sliding his hands beneath her dress. He could feel her heat already, she had wrapped her arms around him kissing his head as he lifted one of her legs up and over one of his. He then slid a hand inside her panties and to her womanhood finding her hot and moist for him. A groan of pleasure escaped from her as he gently caressed her slick insides. 

"Chakotay," Kathryn groaned, breathy. "Oh god -!" And then she gave a cry of pleasure when he slid a couple of fingers inside her beginning to stroke. She clung to him in effort not to fall, her body shuddered to his hand. She whimpered, "please, I can't -" 

He then removed his hand and let her leg down not wanting to wait either. He stood up kissing her and began to pull her panties down. She began to unfasten his trousers. Once her panties were down, she kicked them off to the side and he helped her release him. His hardness greeted her hands as she began to caress him. 

Their tongues meshed as they kept kissing, the passion overpowering them. Chakotay sat back down as she did with him straddling him and adjusting him against her. Once ready, she lowered herself down onto him as he guided her. Both groaned in the pleasure of it and she wrapped her arms around him beginning to move her hips against his. 

Kathryn groaned as he filled her, she was already close to release. He was so tender with her and loving, her heart ached, knowing this. She tilted back her head as he kissed her throat. She groaned again as her body shuddered deeply again. In here, she decided that she did love him, for who he was and how he was. 

"I love you," he whispered, in their passion. 

"I love you, too,” she moaned as she continued to move her hips against his. She missed him so much since that other night and she wanted to remember this night until the next time. She cried out as her body shuddered again, and she was about ready to come. 

He could feel her muscles clenching him tightly and he wasn't ready to let it be over. In here, he wasn't the first officer, but a man in love with the woman who was his captain outside this room. But, this was her hologram and she loved him too. Although, he wasn't sure if the real one did or not. 

"Kathryn," he groaned, as she started to go harder. He placed his hands on her hips to stop her. "Wait -" 

She gasped, "what -why?" 

"I have an idea," he told her and kissed her deeply, then pulled away. "Stand up," he said urging and she slowly did. He did as well, "face the table and bend over -" 

Kathryn was willing at that point, to do anything he asked. She then stepped beside the chair and with her back to him. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her kissing her neck and reached up stroking her breasts over her dress. She groaned feeling him and felt his hand reach down beneath her skirt lifting it and reaching down beginning to stroke her womanhood. She groaned in response as his gentle fingers found her hard bud beginning to stroke it. 

She then leaned forward, her legs opening him allowing him full access. Once she did that, he continued to caress her and kiss her neck, as he positioned himself against her. 

Kathryn gripped the side of the table and gave a cry of pleasure when he plunged into her again. "Yes!" she groaned, a primal groan came from her. "Oh yes, Chakotay -" 

He moved deeper and harder against her and grunted, his own release near. "Oh Kathryn -" and she cried out again, he could feel hers too. 

"Harder!" she commanded him and cried out when he began to. He plunged harder and deeper into her until he couldn't go any more. 

He leaned over her whispering, "we're in your ready room -" Kathryn gasped, "Tuvok's nearby -" and she then came, hard. She screamed. Her body tightening around his and he spilled his life into hers. She gasped as he held her to him, his arms wrapped around her waist. 

"Oh god!" she whispered finally. "Oh Chakotay -" 

He kissed the back of her neck, "I know," his own breath slowing. As he held her, he could feel her warmth and smell her passion. For a moment, he wondered if this really was Kathryn, but figured it couldn't be since she didn’t know about this program. 

Kathryn felt him leave her and he stepped back, she straightened turning around and kissed him gently. He responded holding her, and then she buried her face against his shoulder, "I do love you," she whispered, "so much," she knew that now deep in her heart, with or without the holodeck. 

"Come on," he said and led her into the bedroom. "I think we need to rest," and she laughed softly in agreement. She sat down on the soft bed removing her shoes and pulled back stretching out. He then removed his shirt and shoes and lay beside her. She snuggled into his arms with a sigh. He held her gently, but feeling aroused by their sudden lovemaking and slid his hands down to her hips. "Tell me, what made you want to do that?" 

Kathryn blinked and felt his hands still exploring her. She sighed feeling a rush of warmth again. "I just wanted to. Last night was so incredible. I just wanted to relive it." He kissed her face gently and she slowly turned into his arms staring up at him, "besides, you're incredible." 

Chakotay stared at her and smiled, "so are you," and kissed her gently. 

After several moments she gazed up at him beginning to stroke his face. The one thing she wanted to hear again came to mind. "Chakotay," she said, "tell me the angry warrior story again." 

He smirked at her, "Kathryn, I've told that to you so many times. Aren't you sick of hearing it?" 

She figured her hologram must have asked him to on occasion, and he loved telling it to her. But she figured, her type of request would be the first. She shook her head, "no, because that was the night you told me you loved me," she finally replied. She sighed, "but, I was too scared to let -to accept it." Then paused, "and, I knew I loved you as well." 

"I know," he replied and tenderly stroked her cheek. "It's almost four years' to that day. Remember what happened later?" Kathryn stared up at him, unsure how to reply, knowing he obviously had changed that history. At least in here... 

She went with what she really wanted to happen, "you made love to me for the first time." 

He nodded, "and you were scared then as well. It turned out to be one of the most beautiful nights ever." 

Kathryn smiled and felt her body shiver as she felt him gently caressing her inner thigh, working his way up. His hands were skilled and he just set her afire with his touch. She lifted her head kissing him gently just as he reached her womanhood beginning to stroke. 

"Tell me," she whispered, "as you..." and moaned when her body shuddered again, "Make love...to me again." 

Chakotay grinned at her request, finding it unusual, but an interesting request. "I could do that," he told her, while gazing at her. 

She slid her hand up his bare chest, "then, what are you waiting for?"

He removed his hand from her and began to unbutton the front of her dress saying softly, "I can tell you a story," and sat her up beginning to pull the dress over her head. Once it was off, he tossed it to the floor. She stared at him as he tenderly traced the lines of her bra, her buds rising beneath the material. "An ancient legend among my people," and leaned in kissing her throat, his tongue sending shivers of pleasure through her. He reached up behind her unhooking the bra, "his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe." He slipped it off and dropped it to the floor. 

Kathryn was mesmerized as she lay back against the bed watching him remove the rest of his clothes as well. He was so beautiful to her, and she couldn't take her eyes off him. 

Once he was done, he knelt between her legs and leaned over continuing, "a man who couldn't find peace," and took one of her buds into his mouth savor it gently. She gasped holding his head as he worked his way over to the other on. "Even with the help of his spirit guide," and took the other deeply into his mouth. 

Kathryn groaned as she felt her body shudder again. She loved what he was doing, but hoped he'd get to join them soon, as this was agonizingly slow. 

Chakotay could hear her gasps and groans and he continued, his own arousal building. He slowly began kissing down her body, "for years he struggled with his discontent," he stroked her abdomen and hips, smelling her arousal. “The only satisfaction he ever got," and placed his mouth on her. She cried out in shock, holding his head. He tasted her slowly. Her body was warm and growing even wetter. 

She let out a deep groan of pleasure as he did this for the first time to her. She arched her back in response and cried out when he plunged his tongue deep inside her. "Oh god!" she whimpered, "I love you -" 

He felt her come as she gasped from it and then pulled away, "came from when he was in battle." He caressed her legs gently, kissing slowly down to her feet, "this made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still longed for peace within himself." He gazed at her, she stared at him and then he lay against her, beginning to adjust himself, "one day, he and his war party were captured," and kissed her gently she responded. She urged against him, but he still waited. He started to kiss her face softly, "by a neighboring tribe led by a woman warrior." She had slid her legs around his hips ready. 

He took her hands in his and reached up behind her head as they grasped tightly. "She called on him to join her," and she nodded, he slid deeply into her, doing just that. He groaned as her warmth surrounded him again, he stared at her keeping her gaze as he slowly began to move against her. "Her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies." 

Kathryn felt her ache built as he moved slowly and deeply into her. She wanted to kiss him again, but couldn't, he was telling her the story the way she had asked and once dreamed about.

"The woman warrior was brave," he continued and groaned feeling his release drawing closer, "and so beautiful." She wrapped her legs around his hips more, pulling him closer and harder. "And very wise," and started to move faster, she moaned in response, "the angry warrior swore to himself that -" he groaned feeling her muscles clenching him tighter. She was groaning more, he then began to move harder, forcing himself to finish the story. "He would stay by her side, doing whatever he could," and plunged harder, she cried out. He then released her hands and she clutched him tightly to her, kissing his shoulder deeply, as her hips rocked beneath his. "To make her burden seem lighter." He held his release until he could finish, "from that point on, her needs would come first -" 

"-Yes," she groaned, her body shuddered deeply. "More, please!” 

He continued, "and in that way, the warrior," she was starting, he began to pound even harder. She was crying out for more, "he began to know the true meaning," and felt her muscles grab him tightly as she clung to him crying out clutching him to her. His own came and he groaned, his life spilling into hers, he gasped into her ear, "of peace." 

Kathryn closed her eyes gasping, her body still quaking from the intense orgasm she just had. He lay heavily against her and she didn't care, he felt so good. After several moments, she sighed, "that was amazing." 

Chakotay chuckled and kissed her neck, "that's one way to describe it." He lifted his head gazing at her, her face was bright with their passion and eyes glowed. She was more beautiful to him now than before. "That was the most interesting request," he added. 

She laughed softly, "yes, it was. And," she sighed, "so very wonderful. I've dreamed of you doing that." 

"Have you?" he asked, she nodded. He kissed her gently she responded holding him and he lay against her. 

She curled against him, "oh yes," she was getting sleepy and needed to leave soon. 

"Hungry now?" he asked, curious. "I did come in for lunch -" 

Kathryn laughed, "I know and I ended up distracting you." 

"I'm not protesting," he claimed, "but, I am hungry." 

This is when she realized it was now or never for her chance to leave. She nodded, "sounds good," she agreed. 

"I'll start it," he claimed and kissed the side of her face and slid off the bed. He stood reaching for his clothes and began dressing. He smiled enjoying the view of her stretched out naked and beautiful on the bed before him. "Get dressed and join me?" 

Kathryn nodded and slowly sat up, "I'll be right there." He leaned over kissing her gently and left. She quickly put on her bra and picked up her dress. She whispered, "computer, beam me back to my quarters and replace with my hologram" she felt the beam grab her. 

=/\=

When she was back in her quarters she then realized she had forgotten her panties that were left in the work area of the house. She cursed wondering how to get them out of there. When he'd end the program and they stayed, he'd know she was there. 

With the time almost up, she sat now wrapped in her robe and eyes bright with tears at what she was doing to cover up her deception. She had her hologram pick them up and bring them into the bedroom. 

Once done, Kathryn had the transporter beam them back to her quarters. She put her face in her hand as the tears slid down her face. She loved him, but couldn’t tell him what she was doing. How could she explain herself? They worked closely together and if he'd found out and resented her, it'd hurt the command structure. She couldn't allow that to happen. 

She slowly stood from her desk and walked into her bedroom to change for bed. 

As she lay in bed attempting to find sleep, she stared in thought out her viewport watching the stars slip by as the ship traveled at warp four. She determined she loved who she was in there with him. There wasn't anything to worry about except them. And, she was in love with him, although she couldn't show it to him outside the holodeck. 

Her body tingled slightly as she remembered tonight's lovemaking. First in the work area and then in bed when he told her the story. She enjoyed sex with him, he had woken that part in her that had been long denied. And, she felt good with him and even better after. She rolled onto her side with a sigh knowing it was going to be difficult to stop herself. 

She slowly fell asleep remembering the way he touched her. 

During the next month, Mariska died quietly in her sleep and Kathryn gave her a Starfleet send off, given the fact, she was an officer before her assimilation into the Borg. Her body was launched into space and Kathryn vowed to herself she'd get the crew home someday, somehow. 

Kathryn and Chakotay were much closer outside the holodeck as well. They had their weekly working dinners and then one night during the week, and she'd be with him on the holodeck making love and working in the garden. 

He still didn't know it was her. 

Her stress level had risen slightly also that month with B'Elanna's trip to the Barge of the Dead and the Doctor's daydream scenarios. Her monthly didn't show either, but she wasn't concerned, because she had missed before during high stressed months. She figured by the next, if it was less stressful, it'd come back. 

Kathryn also was aware of when Chakotay didn't eat dinner, and he was planning to go to the holodeck. She stopped as well in order to eat then. She was afraid of gaining too much weight by having two dinners. She was almost 46 and her mid-life spread was threatening to come in. She attempted to keep active by exercising in her quarters and taking long walks around the ship. 

The night after they had rescued Tom from that alien ship acquired from the space dealer and he was recovering in sickbay Kathryn went to the holodeck to be with Chakotay. 

=/\=

It was night on New Earth as they made tender love after dinner. She lay curled into his arms as he held her kissing her face. She smiled content like this, "you make me feel so good," she said. 

"You make me feel good," he agreed and she turned looking up at him. 

Kathryn reached up tenderly stroking his tattoo and around his eye. As she stared at him, she began to wonder why children hadn't ever become of their holo-relationship before she joined it. She figured he wanted her to himself. 

"Kathryn?" he asked her, curious of her silence. 

She blinked and then sighed, "I'm fine. Up for a game of cards?" 

"Cards?" he asked, shocked and she nodded. He slid his hand up her, cupping a breast and she groaned. "I'd rather make love to you again -" 

She sighed feeling the pleasure shiver down her, "oh now there's an idea," and he lowered his head to her hardened bud taking it in his mouth beginning to savor. She ran her fingertips through his hair gently and he lifted his head kissing her deeply. She responded with a soft moan and felt him shift over against her. She suddenly needed to tell him, "Chakotay -" she whispered. 

He was exploring her gently, as he got aroused. He heard her gasp when he slid his hand up between her legs and started to caress her soft recess. She slid her legs around his hips, letting him, "hmm?" he murmured. 

Kathryn couldn't concentrate, and his wonderful caresses were sending her into spirals of pleasure. "I have to tell," she moaned, "you something." She cried out when he gently slid a finger inside her. She groaned, wanting him to continue, he kissed her again, his hand moving gently. She felt her body shudder deeply. She was so close, "Chak -please -" 

He had now removed his hand and was positioning himself against her, "now?" he asked her softly. "You have to tell me now?" 

Kathryn clung to him, feeling his hardness beginning to slide into her. She was losing focus and slid her hands down to his hips stroking, ready to guide him inside her. "Forget it," she finally said, the passion heard. "It's not -" and he joined them, sinking his full length into her. "Oh important!" He started to move slowly against her, and she felt a ripple of pleasure still guiding him. "Mmm, yes," and he kissed her deeply again, her mouth opening to his as their tongues meshed gently. 

He then rolled her on top as they continued to kiss and she moved her hips down against his. She sat up more taking his hands as he supported her. He enjoyed the look of pleasure on her face as she moved above him. 

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his release was building in tides. "I love you, Kathryn." 

"I love you, too," she groaned and felt her body shudder deeply. 

Chakotay stared at her face, noticing a lock of hair, shorter hair, had fallen across her forehead. He blinked unsure of what he saw, knowing his hologram's hair was longer. 

Was this really his Kathryn? He wasn't completely sure and she was beginning to move harder. He groaned pushing that thought aside, holding her hips, guiding her against him. 

Kathryn leaned over kissing him gently as her release built. He held her face in his hands and gripped her hair gently. She was so close, and she began to move faster. She cried out and he pulled her to him. "yes," she groaned, "yes, Chakotay, my warrior," and he felt her muscles tightening around him. 

He then rolled over against her, pining her beneath him and started to pound harder into her. She cried out against his groans and he felt her muscles grab him and she came hard with a loud cry, burying his face against his neck and shoulder gasping. 

He continued to move against her, as she still clung to him tightly. When he finally came, he groaned, collapsing against her as he let himself spill into her deeply. She held him to her, kissing his shoulder gently as he gasped. 

Chakotay let his thoughts settle and that thought came back to him if it was really Kathryn beneath him and who he just made love to. The room was dim lit now, as he lifted his head gazing at her. 

"Now," he whispered curiously, "what did you want to tell me?" 

Kathryn stared up at him, his face was illuminated by the candle she had lit over in the corner of the room, she shook her head, "it's nothing." 

"You sure?" he asked, wanting to give her the chance to tell him, if it were really her. 

She nodded, "yes," and embraced him closing her eyes. He held her gently and kissed her neck. 

Kathryn left the holodeck while he napped, feeling guilty for not telling him.

That next morning before duty, Chakotay sat in his quarters with his early morning herb tea thinking of the night before. It still bothered him that it could have been Kathryn with him that night, although when he woke up right before his time was up, she was asleep. 

He had dressed, kissed her goodbye and saved the program. Just as he ended it, he watched the program fade and "Kathryn" go with it. 

The next couple of weeks, the ship encountered the graviton ellipse that held the remains of the Mars Aries IV space capsule. Chakotay's enthusiasm to retrieve it with the Delta Flyer gave him the mission to attempt to retrieve it. Due to unforseen circumstances, he was injured in the near retrieval of the capsule. Both Tom and Seven were left to repairing the Flyer before the anomaly went back into subspace. 

Once the Flyer was safely back on board, Chakotay was due to recover in sickbay for a couple of days before an extra day off to rest in his quarters. 

That meant there'd be no holodeck that week. Kathryn knew he needed the time to rest, so she took the time to handle some reports that she'd put aside recently. 

The next month, the morning after Kathryn spent an evening on the holodeck with Chakotay, she woke up and was getting ready for duty when she felt nauseous. She shook her head before the mirror about finished with her makeup, trying to ignore it. The nausea wouldn't go away and she groaned softly wondering why she was feeling somewhat space sick. 

Suddenly the feeling got worse and she put her hand over her mouth knowing it wasn't going to stay down. She quickly turned, stepping over to the commode and knelt on the floor over it beginning to retch. She held her hair out of her face gasping and groaned holding her stomach. 

She was going to be late for duty now and she didn't have the time to be sick. B'Elanna was waiting for her in engineering so Seven could show them something. She felt her stomach lurch one more time and retched again and after several minutes, her stomach started to settle. 

Kathryn moaned and sat back against the nearby wall closing her eyes, trying to calm her labored breathing. She now had a bitter taste in her mouth and swallowed in an attempt to clear it. She sighed as her heart slowed and attempted to stand finding her legs slightly weak. 

She walked back over to the sink and saw how pale she looked. Her makeup had run and skin was damp. She cursed and reached for a washcloth to redo her makeup. 

While she was quickly doing this, her comm activated, "Torres to the Captain." 

Kathryn sighed, "yes, lieutenant?" 

"Seven and I are waiting," she replied, “for you in engineering whenever you're ready.” 

Kathryn quickly ran her brush through her hair, "I'll be there in ten minutes, Janeway out." She brushed a few more times, rechecked her face finding her color had returned and headed out to the bedroom to finish dressing. 

It was the next day they encountered the catapult in space that had been created by Tash, another alien also attempting to get back home. Kathryn was intrigued with helping Tash, so they could use the catapult, if successful. 

Her space sickness wasn't evident that day, so she figured it was just a loss of equilibrium from the inertial dampeners. 

Hours after Tash had made his flight with the catapult and she had tests being done before she had the ship attempt it, Seven informed her of Chakotay's Maquis conspiracy. 

Kathryn knew Chakotay, so she found it hard to believe when first told. Although the evidence was all circumstantial, she armed herself with a phaser and began researching Seven's theories. 

The next morning, after a long night of reading and waiting for the final test results to come in, Kathryn threw up again before duty. She at first thought the holodeck meals were doing it, but she hadn’t been with Chakotay since before they encountered the catapult. And the ship wasn't moving... 

=/\=

She groaned while still perched over the commode, this episode worse than the last. She wondered if she'd even make it to duty because of this. When she was sure her stomach had settled, she sank down to the cool tile floor closing her eyes trying to focus. 

As she lay there letting the coolness seep into her hot skin, her mind began to drift as to why she was sick again. Suddenly it occurred to her what the problem could be and she hoped she was wrong. 

With some effort, she forced herself to sit up and stand walking over to her small medicine cabinet and opened it. She took out her own medical tricorder and opened it taking out the small scanner, activating it. 

Slowly she scanned herself watching the readings change and fluctuate. Her eyes widened at the result and she cursed closing the tricorder. She hoped the reading was wrong, but knew it wasn't. She was a scientist and facts were facts. 

She was just more than two months pregnant with Chakotay's child. 

Stunned, she walked into her bedroom and sank down on the edge of her bed wondering how to deal with this. But, they weren’t trusting each other right now and they still hadn't made that catapult jump. The timing couldn't have been worse. She tried not to panic and cry over this as she sat there. 

Think! She told herself. How's he going to take this news? He doesn’t even know I’ve been sleeping with him. 

A small whimper of panic escaped her and she fought it back. She then began to pace after standing up She determined that once this catapult jump was finally done, she'd ask him to dinner and confess everything. And hoped it wouldn't ruin their command structure. 

Once decided, she finished dressing and went to duty. 

=/\=

Later that morning, she went to the cargo bay to investigate Seven's alcove and found Chakotay already doing the same thing, also armed with a phaser. They discussed Seven's theories and realized her paranoid suspicions had passed onto them. 

Both felt embarrassed they had let it go that far, but she felt a personal relief now. They then determined they needed to get Seven to sickbay after they got the Doctor to analyze her alcove. 

But, Seven had taken the Flyer and Kathryn insisted she go after her. Chakotay claimed he'd go with her, but she determined she'd be able to get through to her on her own. She also knew she was putting her unborn child at risk, should Seven become violent, but this was her choice. 

Luckily, Seven didn't become violent and Kathryn managed to help her see through her paranoid delusions and had them beamed back to the ship where she brought Seven to sickbay for treatment. 

She then returned to the bridge informing Chakotay of the results and went into her ready room. 

While there, the final tests came back that the catapult was safe enough for Voyager. Kathryn had the ship aligned with it and the catapult sent them 30 sectors across space closer to home. 

Once back to normal space, Kathryn had repair crews fixing the minor damage caused in the jump. 

Although while she sat on the bridge during the actual jump to monitor the progress, a wave of nausea passed through her and she fought it down. The bridge was illuminated from the red alert status, so she was lucky Chakotay couldn't see how green she probably became from it. 

Once safely through, the reports started coming in. Kathryn left the details to Chakotay and stepped calmly off the bridge into her ready room and walked into the private bathroom located off there to throw up. 

Within a couple of hours, the repairs were almost complete as Kathryn took in the reports while in her ready room. 

She was reading one of the final reports when Chakotay entered. She lifted her eyes staring at the father of her child, who didn't even know... 

“Yes, commander?" she asked softly. 

He handed her a padd, "B'Elanna's update report on repairs. She says everything will be back to normal in the next couple of hours." He studied her for a moment as she took it from him, "are you okay?" 

Kathryn looked at him, but she fought down the urge to tell him there. It wasn't the right time and place. "Yes," she replied, "I'm fine. Why?" 

He shrugged, "your eyes, you just look tired. More so than you have been in awhile." 

She smirked, "how would you feel after chasing Seven into space after all this?" 

"Point well taken," he chuckled with a nod. 

Kathryn watched him start to leave, "Chakotay?" He stopped and turned back to her, "dinner tonight?" 

"Sure," he replied, with a soft smile. "The usual time?" 

"1900 hours,” she said, with a nod. 

"I'll be there," he smiled and walked out. 

She sank back in her chair with a sigh closing her eyes and felt her hand rest against her abdomen gently. 

Tonight was the night he'd find out, and there wasn't any more options. Now, she had been forced and her last card drawn. She just hoped he'd forgive her. She hoped. 

=/\=

Before Chakotay arrived, Kathryn made a vegetable dish for him to eat and a salad. Her stomach was tight with nerves and she wondered if she'd be able to eat at all. She had her uniform jacket removed and had the table set with some candles lit. 

When he arrived, she had some soft music playing. She was quiet as they sat with the salad and talked about what happened with Seven and how close their relationship had come to an end from her delusions. 

She served the dish, but could hardly eat any of it. 

After dinner, they sat in her living area with coffee and he saw how quiet she was being. This wasn't like her and it was obvious something was bothering her. "Kathryn," he said gently, "what's wrong?" She stared at him and then stood up moving away from him. "Something's bothering you -" 

She shook her head to keep her focus, "I'm just happy we worked out our problem, Chakotay." 

"So am I," he said. 

Kathryn sighed, unable to look at him, "I hope -what I'm going to tell you next won't ruin it for sure." 

"Kathryn," he said confused, "what are you talking about? You know I'm always there for you and always will be." 

She felt like crying, but forced it back, "oh god -" and paused, saying in a whisper. "I never intended to deceive you, Chakotay. But, after that first time -I went back. I couldn't stop." 

She was making no sense, he stood up, "Kathryn, I don't understand." 

Kathryn was quiet and turned slowly facing him, and her eyes were bright with her unshed tears. "I found you're," she told him softly, "New Earth program." She shrugged, "I had to see it and of course, it was amazing. It brought back so many memories." 

"I created it," he replied, "year's ago. I should have told you, I know. But, I wanted to continue the life we would have had." He sighed, "I'm sorry -"

“- No," she said, shaking her head. "Don't be, it was done so well and I enjoyed it." She paused, "and I saw my hologram -" 

"-Spirits, Kathryn -" 

She held up her hand quieting him, "no, you don't have to." She then held his gaze, "because, I started to replace her." 

He stared at her in shock, and tears were threatening in her eyes. He then thought back to that one night he actually thought it was her. And, he realized, it was really her he'd made love to, but he couldn’t tell her that he knew of that night and hurt her like that. 

"When were," he asked quietly, "you there?" He had to know if it was more than once. 

"I've been," she replied, "going for the last two and a half months." 

"Oh, Kathryn," he said staring at her, "are you saying for the past two months -?" She nodded and a tear slid down her face. He stepped over to her, "even during the sex?" 

"Yes," she replied softly. 

"Spirits," he whispered and placed his hands gently on her arms. She was trembling, "but, then, it wasn't just sex, was it?" 

"Chakotay," she whispered, "since that first time, I was determined not to go back, but I liked who I was in there. So I did. It was just us and I had no real responsibility. I was happy." She shook her head, "I realized what I had been denying myself all these years and that I loved being with you." 

The only thing he could do in response to that was hold her. He gently wrapped his arms around her and she slid hers around him as they held each other for a long moment. So now he knew he had made love to her finally. Apparently several times. 

He kissed the top of her head softly, "I understand," he finally said gently. "I love you, too." Her shoulder's shook as she still fought the tears, "and I know our relationship can't happen outside the holodeck. That's okay." 

Kathryn gripped the fabric of his uniform, still needing to tell him the rest. "I know," she replied, "that's why I kept going." she sighed and bit her lip, "but, things have - changed that." 

Chakotay stood there in thought over her words, realizing she meant only one thing. He sighed, "you're pregnant, aren't you?" She didn't respond and she pulled away from him turning away. "Kathryn, are you pregnant?" 

"Yes," she said softly. 

"Oh spirits," he said, now receiving the fatal news. He reached over pulling her to him and wrapped his arms gently around her. 

"It must have -" she said, her voice choked. "That first time -" 

He kissed her neck tenderly, deep inside he was thrilled over this news, despite the circumstances involved. "It'll be okay," he assured her, "we'll deal with it." 

She groaned, her fears surfacing, "there's only one way to deal with it, Chakotay." He was quiet as her words sunk in. She turned to him staring at him, her heart breaking. "I can't have a baby while in the Delta Quadrant." 

"Why not?" he asked. She pulled away from him again, "Kathryn, talk to me. Why not?" 

"Because I won't endanger our child," she replied firmly. 

"How would you do that?" 

She groaned, "oh Chakotay, we've encountered enough hostile aliens out here as it is. I don't want to raise a child of mine out here." 

"It's not just yours," he told her firmly. He took her arm pulling her to him, "yes, you can raise this child. Look at Naomi Wildman and how well she's fared with all the dangers. Ours will as well." 

Kathryn gritted her teeth fighting the tears still, "no," she said, shaking her head. "I'm under enough stress as it is, Chakotay. I can't command this ship and be a mother at the same time. That program was my only escape from this place, and now it's ruined." 

He stared at her, wanting the child, but could see her dilemma with this. He knew of her responsibilities and knew she was right. He rubbed his face with a sigh, "you want to terminate it," he asked softly, "don't you?" 

The tears slipped down her face finally, her voice shook, "I don't want to. I need to."

She covered her face with her hands, hiding the tears. The next thing she felt was his arms around her, as he soothed her gently. She let the tears come, as she buried her face in his shoulder, holding him. They stood there as she tried to calm herself, she sighed, "it wasn't really an affair, you know?" 

"I know," he replied and rubbed her back. "I know." They were quiet, he kissed her head, "as much as I love you, I'll do what you want to about this." Then added, hoping she'd agree, "and that we use protection the next time." 

Kathryn slowly lifted her head gazing at him, her face wet from her tears. She sighed as he tenderly stroked them away, "you want to continue with this?" she asked shocked. He actually wanted to start a real affair with her. 

He nodded, "yes, I would. I'd like too out here, but that's not possible. At least in there, we have a life. Even if it's for an hour a week." 

This is why she loved him and she smiled, "I'd like to as well." 

"My Kathryn," he said and lowered his head kissing her gently. She responded, her tears mixing with their kiss. They held each other and then he walked with her over to the armchair and sat down, pulling her into his lap holding her. She rested her head on his shoulder, now much calmer. He sighed, "when do you plan to see the Doctor?"

She shrugged, "within the next two nights. I have a day off coming up." 

"I'll be there," he said gently. "I won't let you do this alone. I love you, and Kathryn we'll have more children someday." 

"I hope so," she said softly and embraced him. 

The next two days were fairly calm as the ship cruised home. Although Kathryn was late for duty with her morning sickness the night before they went to sickbay. When she finally arrived, Chakotay was concerned, but didn't indicate to the crew. 

He visited her while in her ready room, finding her drinking some tea. She was staring out of the viewport quietly as he stood behind her. 

"Was it bad this morning?" he asked gently. 

She shrugged, "the usual. There's nothing like throwing up every morning and the need to be happy why." 

"I wish I could have," he said, "been with you -" 

She glanced over her shoulder at him, "so do I," she said softly. She sighed, "but, it can't be that way." She looked away again, "after dinner tonight, I'm going to sickbay."

Chakotay immediately stepped up behind her, remembering his promise to her, but wanting something else. "I'll be there," he told her, "with you." She nodded, and he reached out touching her arm knowing how difficult this was for her. "I love you, Kathryn." 

She bit her lip and nodded, "I love you too, Chakotay."

He tenderly stroked her arm and placed a tender kiss on her face, "call if you need me," and he quietly left. 

=/\=

They had a quiet and light dinner that night after duty. Chakotay held her hand gently and could see how upset she was over this. 

"It'll be okay," he said gently. 

She nodded, "I know and at least I have tomorrow off to get my head together." She sipped her coffee, "I think I'm going to need it." 

"Kathryn –“

She shook her head, "no, Chakotay. You have to be on the bridge. I'll be okay, I promise." He nodded, she grasped his hand leaning in, "I know you'd like me to keep this baby and I would too, if we weren't here. Please, Chakotay, don't make this any harder than it is." 

"I'm trying not to," he replied. 

"I know," she said softly. She glanced at her nearby chronometer and sighed, "we have to go," and pushed her chair back and stood up. He did as well and watched her keep her composure as she pulled on her uniform jacket. 

Chakotay walked over to her, "Kathryn, wait -" she turned to him. "Before we go, can I please just once?" 

She stared at him and felt her eyes burn at what he was asking. She then bit her lip knowing she should allow him. "Yes," she replied, with a slight nod. 

He walked over to her and pulled her to him, sliding an arm around her waist, with her abdomen facing him. He lifted his hand slowly and placed it gently against her. She gripped his arm, forcing the tears back, as he gently caressed where his child grew in her. 

She was warm and trembling beneath his hand. Their breaths were short and the only sound in the room. He loved her so much and knew what they were going to do, was the right thing. 

He pulled her shirt out of her trousers and went to touch her smooth skin beneath. She stopped him shaking her head, "no, Chakotay," she whispered, "please." They stared at each other, "please," and he held her tightly. She buried her face in his shoulder as they both composed themselves. After a moment, she sighed pulling away fixing her shirt and fastened her jacket. "Let's go," and turned walking out. He followed her. 

=/\=

When they arrived in sickbay, it was empty, except for the Doctor who sat at his desk preparing his monthly report. He was surprised to see them, especially since there were no injured crewmen or alien there at the moment, 

"Captain. Commander," he said standing, as they walked in. "Is there something I can -?" And he saw the look on Kathryn's face, and she was upset, but keeping it under control. "What's wrong?" 

"Doctor," she said, "I need you to keep this in the strictest confidence -" 

He glanced at Chakotay and then back at her, "yes, of course. What's wrong?"

Kathryn looked directly at him and said firmly, "I'm pregnant, doctor," and watched him look at Chakotay shocked. "And yes, the commander is the father. There's no need to go into details." 

The Doctor nodded quietly, and then looked at her, "I guess I shouldn't offer my congratulations then?" She dropped her eyes, "Captain, what would you like me to do?" He knew they loved each other for a long time, but also knew having a baby between them was impossible given the circumstances. 

"I need you to end my pregnancy," she replied. 

He looked at Chakotay, who also looked visibly pained over this. He wished he knew of some way to take their heartache away from doing this. Suddenly, he had an idea and hoped they'd agree. 

"Well,” he said, "I could or I can -suspend it for you."

Kathryn was confused. Chakotay then said, "you can suspend it?" 

The Doctor nodded, "yes and you can still have this baby given the time is right." He quickly turned to his small monitor behind him inputting some information. "I can take the embryo and put it in a special fluidic suspension. It won't grow, but it'll be on an internal life support." 

Kathryn looked at Chakotay, "you can do this?" she asked. There was hope after all. 

The Doctor finished and a small cylindrical container appeared on the screen. It was attached to a small device and had an optional dark slide. He turned to them, "yes. It's used for keeping various organisms until needed for lab work. This should work." Kathryn was staring at it, "please Captain, and let me use this to protect your baby until you're ready." 

Kathryn looked at Chakotay again, and he nodded at her, also wanting this. She looked back at the Doctor, "what type of fluid?" she asked curiously. 

He shrugged, "actually, it'll be mostly from you. Although it's still early, your embryonic sac has already formed to protect the baby. I'll take the whole thing and put it in a special organic suspension." 

"Kathryn -" Chakotay said gently. "Let him do this." 

She realized it was a good idea and if there was a chance for her to still have this baby, when they got home, she was all for it. Hopefully it wouldn't be too long where her body wouldn't be able to. 

She then sighed, "what do I need to do?" 

"Get changed," the Doctor told her, with a gentle smile. "I'll get the container," and he left them alone. 

Kathryn turned to Chakotay and they embraced tightly, he kissed her face. "Who knew?" he asked her. 

"I know," she said, with a nod. She pulled away from him, "let me change," and walked into the lab and into the hidden changing room/bathroom to remove her uniform and put on a sickbay gown. 

Shortly later, she lay on the main biobed with Chakotay beside her and holding her hand. She tried to remain calm as the Doctor completed his exam and prepared the cylinder. It was already filled with the organic suspension and the green lights to the life support on the top and sides blinked randomly. 

He turned to them and held a hypo, "I need to sedate you for this, captain. It's the best thing for you. To prevent any trauma afterwards." 

She nodded, "yes, of course," and gazed up at Chakotay. "You'll be here?" 

He leaned down to her catching her eyes with his, "I'll always be here," and tenderly kissed her. "I love you," he whispered. 

Kathryn reached up touching his face gently, "I love you, too," he kissed her hand. While she was looking at him, the Doctor pressed the hypo to her neck and she slowly drifted off to sleep. 

As she slept, Chakotay watched the Doctor adjust the small medical scanner/transporter over her abdomen and turned on the small bluish beam. He watched it extend over an area of her lower abdomen. He felt his chest tighten as he saw the Doctor gently start to massage her, feeling gently for the embryo. "Please, be gentle," he told him. 

"Relax, commander," the Doctor said. "She's doing just fine," He found the spot and then touched a few controls on the scanner, narrowing the beam slightly. He then touched a few more controls on the panel next to him and the beam turned a blue-green. 

Chakotay watched as the beams formed in the cylinder and disappear, leaving a small pinkish-white sac. The lights on the cylinder began to change to a rhythmic pattern. He walked over with the Doctor gazing at his child in early development, in the fluid. As the Doctor made adjustments, Chakotay could just make out the tiny head forming, the hands and feet. 

He felt a lump in his throat and glanced over at Kathryn who was still sedated. He was glad the Doctor sedated her. He knew if she saw her child like this, it'd set her back into a depression again. 

"Protect it, Doctor," he said. 

"You know I will," he replied. He gently picked it up, but marveled at the procedure he just did. "Come on, let me show you where it'll be," and walked away from the biobed. Chakotay followed him into the lab and over to the various sized drawers on the wall. This is where he kept the original Caretaker and once, Seven's Borg implants that were removed two years' before. 

He selected a small one, touched the pad next to it and the door opened and the drawer slid out. He gently placed the container on it and closed the drawer. Once it was, it sealed and he activated the force field to protect it. "It's nice and dark in there. Also, warm. I've regulated the interior to match the captain's body temperature. So, when you're both ready, that baby won't know the difference." 

Chakotay smiled, "thanks, Doctor." He gazed at him, "before you wake her, can you please administer our boosters?" 

"Yes, of course," he said and they walked back into sickbay, where Kathryn still slept. He then picked up a cartridge and put it on the hypo and adjusted it. He stepped over to Kathryn and administered her booster and then walked over to Chakotay giving him his. "Remember, each of you once a month, must report to me to renew it. Long as you keep your intimate relationship active." 

Chakotay nodded, "thanks and we will." He sighed, "Doc, I only found out two days ago myself. We've only been together two months. This was unplanned actually -" 

"-Commander" the Doctor said, "what matters is you two love each other. The captain needs that and your support, despite what Starfleet protocol claims. And, after this, she'll be weak for a day or so. Be around for her, even if she says otherwise. This won't be easy to handle." 

"I know," he sighed, with a nod. He glanced over at her, "why don't you wake her and leave us, please." 

"Of course," the Doctor said. He then pulled a folded up changing screen out and opened it in front of the biobed to give them privacy. Chakotay returned with her clothes and placed them on the end of the bed. He then picked up another hypo and pressed it to Kathryn's neck administering a light stimulant. "Let me know if you need anything," and then left. 

Chakotay leaned over her and reached out beginning to gently stroke her face. She stirred softly and her eyes fluttered open. She sighed softly and turned her head gazing up at him and her hand lifted to her now empty abdomen. She felt empty and her chest tightened with tears, "did he -?" she asked softly. 

"Yes," he replied gently, taking her hand. Kathryn gripped his hand looking away, he kissed her face, "it's safe and in a nice warm place." He saw a tear slide down her face, "the Doctor wants you to rest for the rest of the night and tomorrow. Your body was already adapting for the baby. It'll take a few hours to readjust again." 

She then looked at him, her eyes bright, "I'm so sorry, Chakotay. I know -" 

"Ssh," he said tenderly shaking his head. "It's okay, my love." He sighed, "come on, let me help you get dressed." She nodded and slowly sat up and began to remove the gown. He reached for her trousers. 

Kathryn found she was alittle weak as Chakotay helped her dress. Once she was, she stood silently in sickbay feeling saddened over this. He then held her for a moment and pulled away squeezing her hand. She squeezed back and turned to him, "let's go," she said softly. They headed out, "thank you, Doctor," she told him as he met them right before they left. 

"Rest for the day," he told her. "You'll be fine." She nodded and they left. 

=/\=

When they returned to her quarters, she stood quietly gazing around. He picked up their dinner plates and put them back in the replicator. Once done, he walked over to her and slid his arms around her waist. 

"Will you be okay?" he asked gently. 

She nodded, fighting the tears, "I will be," and clasped her hands over his. They stood there, "did we do the right thing, Chakotay?" 

"Yes," he replied, soothingly. "Our child will wait until we get home. And, we'll raise it where there aren't any hostile aliens and a large backyard for it to romp and play." She gave a tearful laugh, he knew she was crying. "Do you want me to spend the night?" 

She tilted back her head against his shoulder, "oh, Chakotay, you know I would. But, it's not a good idea, you know that." she turned into his arms staring at him, "I'll see you tomorrow night for the day's report." She wiped her face as he nodded, "and, when we're ready to return to the holodeck, I'll let you know." 

"Okay," he said, with a soft smile. "And, I won't cheat on you with your hologram," she smiled. He kissed her gently, "oh, by the way, the Doctor gave us our boosters, so we'll be okay." He touched her chin, "get some rest Kathryn," and walked out. 

She stood there for a moment and then walked into her bedroom beginning to change. Once in her nightgown, she slipped beneath the bedcovers and lay quietly with her hands on her abdomen. 

The tears slid down her face at what she had done. It was the right thing to do and Chakotay wasn't angry with her. If only things were different and they were home. If only... 

She rolled onto her side burying her face in her pillow crying softly and to sleep. 

The next morning, she woke with a strong cramp and found her monthly had returned. With a vengeance, it seemed, as she had doubled over in pain. She managed to get into the bathroom and start her bath, where she soaked for almost an hour, letting the heat seep into her body. 

Once her bath was done, she had a light breakfast and read a book for the day before retiring and preparing for duty. 

When Chakotay visited after duty with the daily report, he found her mood still somber. He wanted to stay with her, but didn't, noticing she wished to be alone for now. 

Over the next few weeks, the crew made contact with Earth for the first time. The holodeck was reserved for Fairhaven and Kathryn took to spending some time in there while waiting for the storm to pass. Although she was attracted to Michael, she didn't make love to him, in order to be faithful to Chakotay. 

Since suspending her pregnancy, she still hadn't fully recovered mentally from the procedure. She worked a little longer and they just had dinner once a week. He was giving her time. 

When the storm damaged Fairhaven, Tom and Harry went to work to repair the program, but it'd be several weeks before it was ready to use again. A few days later, they encountered the spinning dwarf star planet and got stuck in orbit for a few days. 

Their presence there cemented them as a divine creation to the inhabitants and named Voyager the "sky ship." They were nearing their last chance to break orbit, when they started to get bombarded by antimatter torpedoes. 

The one astronaut from the planet, who survived the transition, was sent back to have their engineers find a way to help the ship break orbit. The pilot was successful and returned with two ships that used tractor beams and pulled it out of orbit. 

After that, they rescued some Quomar from their damaged ship and brought them back to their planet. Unfortunately, they grew enamored with the Doctor's singing and they ended up spending a few extra days there to complete first contact. 

The Doctor, first thought the Quomarian's would appreciate him indefinitely, gave his resignation to Kathryn. He had become romantically involved with a female Quomarian, but felt embarrassed by it, when she created a more superior program in order for him to leave with Voyager. 

He returned to sickbay and his duties. The ship returned back on course for home. 

Shortly after, Neelix announced the foodstuffs were low and they needed to resupply. Kathryn had him, Chakotay, Harry and Tom take the Flyer on a survey of the adjacent sector to stock up. They were gone for two weeks and returned bringing enough supplies and the memories of a forgotten battle. 

When all four started having very vivid nightmares, Kathryn became concerned. They searched for answers when they came up on Terackis in astrometrics and she herself succumbed to her own memories. 

Once she woke three hours later in the mess hall, she had Chakotay take the ship there. She didn’t want her crew suffering from the memories and she wanted answers. When they beamed down to the planet, all they found was a 300-year-old memorial obelisk sending neuro-signals out into space with the actual memories of the soldiers. After much discussion, Kathryn had the battery recharged to preserve the memories. 

As soon as that was done, they returned to the ship and left the system. It was unusually quiet throughout the ship, as everyone recovered in their own way. 

=/\=

Kathryn sat with a cup of coffee on her sofa in her ready room in deep thought. Her mind went over the last month and all she and the crew had been through. Especially since she told Chakotay of replacing her hologram on the holodeck and her pregnancy. 

She groaned tilting back her head thinking of the life that waited for her down in sickbay. She hoped it wouldn't be too long before she was able to carry that baby. And, she thought of Chakotay and remembered how patient he was being until she was ready. She loved him for it, even more so now. She also realized, while he was on the survey mission, she began to miss him and her depression over the procedure was better. She found she actually needed him... 

Her door chime rang and she glanced up, "come in," and watched the doors slide open. Chakotay entered, his face still drawn and eyes looked lost. She figured she didn’t look much better. "Commander, something wrong?" He stood before her, still not talking. She became concerned and sat forward, "Chakotay, are you okay?" 

"I've been better," he replied finally. She indicated for him to sit beside her. He stepped up and sank down close to her, but not touching. She turned toward him, he sighed, "it'll get better. The crew will as well," she reached over placing her hand gently on his. He looked at her, "I’ve missed you, Kathryn." 

"I've missed you, too," she said softly. He returned her grasp gently as they stared at each other. She then glanced away and looked back at him, "what are you doing tonight?" 

He shrugged, "probably sitting in my quarters staring into space." 

Kathryn smirked, "how about we meet on the holodeck?" 

Chakotay stared at her and she gave a slight nod and squeezed his hand more."Kathryn," he said, “are you sure? Don't do it in order to make me feel -" 

"Chakotay," she said gently, "I wouldn't bring it up if I didn't want to." He then smiled softly. "2100 hours?" 

"I'll be there," he said and he watched her blush slightly. He chuckled, "no nerves tonight. This is our first real date." 

"Chakotay -" she whispered and he leaned over and kissed her softly. She felt the warmth of it tingle and spread down her. 

"See you tonight," he said gently and stood up walking out. 

Kathryn stared after him and suddenly realized, she was nervous. 

=/\=

Shortly before she met Chakotay, she went to the holodeck and activated the program. Once inside, she had the computer set for privacy once Chakotay entered. Before he arrived, she went through her hologram's clothes and found a simple, pale pink satin nightgown that had a simple bodice with a white bow and short puffed sleeves. 

She pulled it out with a smile and decided to change into it. She walked into the bedroom and removed the dress she was wearing and pulled the gown over her head. She then looked into the small mirror nearby on the wall fixing her hair. 

“You look beautiful,” he said. She gasped in shock turning. He smiled at her while leaning against the doorframe. "Pink fits you -" 

"-Does it match my face?" she asked, somewhat shyly. 

Chakotay walked quietly in, he was dressed in a pair of deep tan trousers with matching shoes and a light beige linen shirt. He stood before her, "yes, a perfect shade of pink," and she smirked at him. He chuckled, "Kathryn, you are nervous. Why?" 

"Why aren't you?" she asked curiously. 

"Actually," he said, "I am. You just can't tell." She then laughed embracing him, he did as well holding her tightly. His blood rushed and skin grew warm with the feel of her against him again. 

After several moments, she sighed, "how are you?" 

"Better," he replied, still gently stroking her back. "Before coming, I took a vision quest and it helped me come to terms with those memories. You?" 

"We did the right thing," she said simply. "They won't be forgotten."

"I know," he said and made her look at him. "I'm talking about you. It's been just over a month since that visit in sickbay." 

Kathryn stared up at him, she took his hand, "let's talk, Chakotay." She led him over to the bed and sank down on the edge. He sat beside her, she still held his hand, "Chakotay," she said softly, "it did take time for me to come to terms with what we did. What we had to do and I'm okay," he reached up behind her gently stroking her back. She forced her desire back until she could say what she wanted. "I'm also relieved you're not angry at what I did and by getting pregnant." 

"Oh, Kathryn," he said softly, "I wasn't ever angry at you. I'm happy you found this program. I've been wanting to tell you for years, but I wasn't sure how." 

She looked at him, "Chakotay, I understand why. I do." She shrugged, "it was very difficult for me after we first returned to Voyager." 

"Why?” 

Her voice dropped, "because I knew I loved you and I couldn't do anything about it." Her voice shook, "I should have thought of it first."

"Well," he said tenderly, "I did it for both of us. I love you, Kathryn," and gently wiped a stray tear from her eye. 

Her lip trembled, "god help me, Chakotay. I love you, too and I shouldn't -" he then kissed her gently and deeply. She responded wrapping her arms around him. 

Chakotay's resistance ended when he finally kissed her the way he's wanted to for so long. He remembered their lovemaking before, but that was before he really knew it was her. This time, it was and it made it all more special because he loved her. 

Kathryn groaned into his mouth, unable to hold back any longer. Her hands slid down to his shirt finding the buttons and began to unbutton his shirt. He reached up helping her and pushed the shirt off him and tossing it. 

"Chakotay," she moaned as he began to kiss her face and throat gently. He slowly lowered her to the bed, pressing her into the bed kissing her again. She responded opening her mouth to his as she felt his hands gently caressing her over the nightgown. She didn't want to wait, it had been so long since they've been together. Since she found out...she pushed that thought out of her head. "Please,” she gasped, and she reached for his trousers already feeling his hardness. "Please, Chakotay -" 

"-Kathryn," he whispered, "relax, my love. We have plenty of time," she kissed him again deeply and hungrily. He responded feeling her desperation of wanting him like this. He realized he didn't want to wait either and quickly shed his clothes and lay against her again as he pulled the nightgown over her hips. They kept kissing as his hands found her panties and began to remove them. 

Once they were off, he tossed them to the floor and lay against her again. She slid her legs around his hips as he felt how warm and moist she was for him. He positioned himself against her and whispered, "Kathryn, look at me," he asked. She stared up at him, he could feel her hands on his backside, "you're so beautiful." 

"I love you, Chakotay," she whispered and groaned in the pleasure as he slid gently into her. She clung to him as he began to move against her, her hips rocked beneath his slowly and he kissed her again deeply. 

He savored her warmth as her body surrounded and welcomed him. It wasn't until that point, he realized he actually missed her. He tenderly stroked her sides, the curves of her breasts and down to her hips as they rocked beneath him. 

Kathryn rolled above him still moving her hips against his. She stared down at him and pulled the nightgown over her head tossing it. He smiled up at her and reached up cupping her breasts, stroking her hard buds. She groaned tilting back her head and began to move slightly faster. 

He then sat up kissing her throat as they rocked gently. He could feel her muscles clenching him and she gasped as her body shuddered deeply. She then kissed him again, pressing him deeper and harder into her. Her ache was building and she couldn't hold it much longer. She groaned into his mouth, "yes, harder Chakotay -" her body shuddered deeper and she cried out softly. 

Chakotay held her rolling her beneath him and began to pound harder into her. She cried out again, and he buried his face in her neck and hair groaning feeling his own release. She wrapped her legs higher around him and he kept pounding deeply into her until he felt her muscles suddenly grab him. She cried out clutching him as her hips arched to his. He felt his own, as he spilled into her and gasped collapsing against her. 

"Oh god," she groaned, while still stroking his back. Her body still quaked from the orgasm as her heart slowed. "You're so wonderful, Chakotay." 

He sighed and lifted his head gazing at her and then kissed her softly. She responded and they embraced gently. He then lay beside her and pulled the nearby blanket over them, she snuggled into his arms as they lay quietly. 

Chakotay placed a tender kiss on the tip of her shoulder and heard her sigh. He still caressed her beneath the blanket, because he was still slightly aroused. "How do you like the house?” he asked her curiously. 

Kathryn moaned and rolled over onto her back staring up at him. "It's nice," replied, "I like what you did." She shivered as he trailed his fingers up her middle and between her breasts. "This bed -" and closed her eyes in the pleasure of what he was doing. "It's so big and soft," she sighed when he started stroking a hardened bud. "What did you use?" 

“A combination," he replied softly, "of a soft cotton plum I found in the woods and the remainder of the stuffing from our former beds." He leaned over her taking a bud deeply into his mouth. She gasped softly arching her back. 

Kathryn was in complete ecstacy as she could feel his warm mouth and tongue as it swirled around her nipple as he sucked and bit it gently. She could feel her release starting already and groaned when he began working on the other one. 

"And, we sewn -" she whispered, while holding his head and running her fingers through his hair. She bit her lip, "oh, Chakotay, please -I can't -" He then rolled her over onto her stomach and pulled her hips up to his. She gripped the pillow as he positioned himself behind her. She gave a cry of pleasure when he plunged himself deep inside her again. 

Kathryn gasped as he began to move, she arched her back to get him closer and deeper. She rocked against him, feeling her release. He started to move harder, pressing his hand into her lower back guiding her. She needed to feel him against her now. She pulled away from him and rolled onto her back and pulled him down against her kissing him deeply. 

He responded as she slid her legs around his hips and joined them again deeply. She groaned into his mouth as her release grew. "You're so -good!" she whispered passionately, as he moved harder. She clutched him tightly as he continued to move against her, "don't stop!" And she cried out feeling her body shudder suddenly as she felt her ache burst and she buried her face in his shoulder, her body quaking from the release. 

Chakotay felt his own and groaned collapsing against her. They lay gasping in each other's arms. He sighed, "oh spirits, Kathryn -" 

She held him kissing his shoulder, "now you know why I kept coming back?" He then chuckled, "oh, you're so incredible. I had no idea," he lifted his head gazing at her. She reached up touching his face, "and your compassion and heart made me fall in love with you." 

"Your strength," he said, and moved his hips against hers once more to finish his release. She moaned, "and beauty made me fall in love." She smiled and he lay beside her still holding her and she curled against him. "Oh, by the way, I've arranged for anytime we meet like this, that we combine our times. So that'll give us at least two or four hours together." 

"Wonderful idea," she murmured softly, stroking his chest. She sighed in thought staring absently at the wall opposite them. "Maybe we can meet once a week, if ships' business isn't too crazy." 

"I'll be happy with that," he replied and softly kissed the top of her head. He held her tighter and heard her give a sigh of contentment. He loved her more than he could express and it saddened him they could only express it here. "Kathryn, what are your plans once we get home?" 

She moaned softly, "oh, a nice long vacation somewhere quiet and to have a baby." 

"Would you consider marrying me?" he asked curiously. 

Kathryn blinked at his question and lifted her head looking at him. "Marry?" He nodded, she sighed, "that would be nice -" 

"-Just 'nice'?" he repeated, unsure of her answer. 

She then smiled softly and purred, 'it'd be better than nice. It'd be a fabulous idea -" and he chuckled at her answer and kissed her gently, She responded and felt his hands slide up her sides gently. Suddenly she gasped in shock and surprise when he started to tickle her. "Chakotay -!" 

He laughed in response at her reaction, "do I dare believe my eyes when I find out the great Captain Janeway is ticklish?" 

"Great my foot!" she gasped, laughing. "Stop it!" She then lay on her back and tried to squirm away. He lay against her as she attempted to fight and he pinned her gently, the blanket was twisted beneath her now. She stared up at him catching her breath, "oh, thank you," he leaned down tenderly kissing her. She lifted her head responding and then pulled away, "don't do that again." 

He smirked, "is that an order?" 

She shook her head, "no, a request." 

“Okay," he said, with a nod and then stroked her face. "Now, will you marry me when we get home?" 

Kathryn's eyes grew bright and she smiled, "yes, I will. I love you, Chakotay, so much." 

"I love you," he said tenderly and kissed her deeply as they held each other and made tender love right before their time ended. 

Afterwards, they dressed and he took her on a quick tour of the program, showing her the changes he'd made over the years. 

Before they left, they stood holding each other as the sunset cast a warm glow against the house. He kissed her gently, "next Thursday? Same time?" 

“Yes," she replied softly. 

"And let me be here first," he told her. 

She frowned, "why?" 

Chakotay slid his hands down to her backside caressing gently and pulled her against him. She smiled in response. "I want to surprise you," he replied, his voice deep. "Will you let me do that?" 

Kathryn wrapped her arms around his neck, "yes, you may," and they kissed gently again. She then held him and sighed, "we have to go. Tom's next and if he sees us -" 

" -Then we're no longer a secret," he nodded. "Let's go," he sighed, "computer, save and end program." New Earth slowly faded from view and revealed the holo-grid and doors. "Let me walk you back to your quarters," she nodded and they walked out now side by side, not touching. He spotted Tom heading down the corridor and forced himself to remain calm. "Speak of the devil," he murmured and Kathryn smiled. 

Tom saw both of them walking in his direction. Both were dressed casually and looking very relaxed. "Captain. Commander," he said with a smile. "Taking a walk?" 

"Taking notes, Tom?" Chakotay asked. 

He stared at them confused, "umm -no. I was just curious, that's all. Both of you just look relaxed." 

"Well, that's what we are," Kathryn commented. "I'm heading to bed gentlemen. See you on the bridge," and kept walking to the lift without looking back. 

Tom stared at Chakotay, something didn't seem right between them. Or, actually, something was finally right. He then waggled his eyebrows at Chakotay leeringly. 

"Once more," Chakotay warned him, "and you lose your holodeck privileges. Goodnight, Tom," and walked away. 

Tom stood alone watching Chakotay walk toward the lift. Either, there wasn't anything going on between Chakotay and the captain, or there was, both were acting as if nothing happened tonight. 

He shook his head, "your getting paranoid, Paris," and walked to the holodeck. 

Kathryn and Chakotay met once a week to spend quality time together on the holodeck. The next several months weren't calm, however. Shortly after the Borg children joined the crew, Kathryn was exhausted and stressed. 

Any encounter with the Borg always stressed her.

The evening the Borg children were sleeping in their new alcoves in the cargo bay, Kathryn was with Chakotay on the holodeck getting a massage. 

=/\=

Despite his insistence of having a massage table requested, she refused telling him they wouldn't have had it on New Earth. He relented and let her stretch out on their bed clad only in a sheet while he knelt beside her and gently worked on her neck and back. 

She groaned softly, enjoying the feel of his gentle hands, "that feels so good," she whispered, with her eyes closed. 

"You're in knots," he said and sighed, "you can do without the Borg, Kathryn." 

"I wish they felt the same," she commented and winced when he started on a tight spot. She was happy they had a three-hour block tonight, since most of the crew was resting or on duty. She pillowed her arms under her head, "I was worried about you when I found out you were on that cube." 

"So was I," he replied. "Especially when I found us in an assimilation chamber and not in line for it. I actually breathed some relief." 

She was quiet for a moment, then sighed, "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you." 

Chakotay stopped and she slowly turned over while holding the sheet to her. "You'll never be without me," he said softly. 

Kathryn stared at him, "you can't promise that, Chakotay." 

He reached out touching her face knowing she was right. "I know," he said, "but, it's in my heart." She reached up placing her hand over his, "don't ever doubt my support. I'm always here," and she kissed his hand. He then noticed the sheet had fallen revealing her breasts and he felt a stir of arousal. 

She noticed and knelt before him taking his face in her hands. "I'm so happy you are," she said softly and he wrapped his arms around her. "You make me so happy," and kissed him gently. 

He responded and slid his hand gently up her bare back and felt her shiver. He then began kissing her face and throat as she held him, "how's your back?" 

"Much better," she replied softly, "thank you." She then lay back against the bed staring up at him with her hair surrounding her on the pillow. "Come here," she told him, her voice growing husky. “And, take off your clothes." 

He grinned, "your wish is my command," and removed his shirt. 

The next five months wasn't as stressful as the last. Kathryn was happy to have Lindsay Ballard back, but couldn't keep her, when her new Kobali family came to retrieve her. She willingly returned, unable to fit in with her old crewmates. 

They also found Icheb's family and then rescued him again from reassimilation into the Borg, when his parents sent him to infect another cube. Kathryn then accepted the fact, Icheb was now a permanent member of her crew. 

After the con artists had been apprehended and turned over to the proper authorities, Kathryn assigned B'Elanna and Harry on a survey mission of a nearby asteroid field for mineral deposits when they disappeared. 

Those two weeks, Tuvok didn't sleep and Kathryn had all she could do to sleep. She and Chakotay didn't go to the holodeck, as they searched for their friends. When he informed her that ten days was the limit for lasting life support, she had all she could do not to cry. She had fought it down and refused to give up hope. 

When they were found, the whole crew was relieved. When B'Elanna and Harry were beamed back on board and treated for their injuries, Kathryn had them rest for a couple of days before returning to duty. She also had a team of engineers repair the Flyer. 

Kes returned to exact revenge on the ship's past, until Kathryn helped her see through the confusion. She sadly sent Kes on her way back to Ocampa, where she was sure she'd be accepted. 

While the Doctor had been sent to Earth the next month through the Midas Array to help his creator, Doc Zimmerman, the ship remained in the sector. Kathryn spent time writing a letter to her mother and Chakotay to his sister. They also spent time on the holodeck in the program or even just playing velocity. One game got so competitive and heated, he nearly took her there on the floor, but she stopped him because it didn't count. 

He ended up taking a cold shower that night. 

And then, Seven announced the situation known as Unimatrix Zero. 

When it was determined, the drones needed liberation from the Collective and their time in Unimatrix Zero, Kathryn decided it was time once and for all to help them and not fight. After her own experience there. 

She figured the Queen had every intention of assimilating her and the crew this time, but she had one card left up her sleeve. 

She didn't consult Chakotay or the rest of the staff, except for Seven and the Doctor. Once she decided to infiltrate and deploy the virus on her own, she announced it to the staff. Tuvok and B'Elanna refused to let her go alone. 

Chakotay had his own reservations and insisted she take Tuvok and B'Elanna. He didn't want his captain, friend and lover taken and fully assimilated. He wanted her back so she'd be able to have that baby. 

He was satisfied she agreed to have backup and when the Queen made her message known, she was done being nice and any intrusion into the Collective by Kathryn at all would have consequences, he got a chill of fear for her. Kathryn was determined to liberate the drones and go ahead with her plan. She went to sickbay with Tuvok and B'Elanna to have a special neural suppressant fitted to them to avoid linking to the collective after assimilation. Something they knew was probably unavoidable. 

Once the procedure was done, B'Elanna and Tuvok returned to duty before the mission started, Kathryn remained in sickbay. "Doctor," she said softly, "in case I don't return -" he turned to her somewhat appalled at her thought. "My baby -" 

He stepped up to her, "Captain, your baby is still safe and warm. The neural suppressant will work. I agree, your taking a risk, but I have no doubt, you'll be okay." 

She stared at him, then nodded, "thank you, Doctor. Well, I've got some work to do. If you'll excuse me," and walked out. 

An hour before the mission was to start, Kathryn stood in her ready room with a cup of coffee and trying to remain calm. 

While there, Chakotay entered with the final report on all systems. The ship and crew were ready. He was as well, although still worried. 

She took the report and glanced at it, then placed it on her coffee table. He then stepped up beside her and they stood quietly staring out of the viewport waiting for the upcoming battle. 

"Be careful," he finally said, she nodded. He sighed, "she wants your soul, Kathryn."

"She's not getting it," she replied, her voice shook. She looked at him, that's when he saw the fear in her eyes flicker and a slight tremble. But, the determination clouded over and she looked away. 

This was tearing him apart and he needed to hold her one last time, if it was the last time. "I know," he said softly, "what you’ve said, but I want you to know how much I love you." She looked at him, "and come back to me, Kathryn." 

She put down her coffee and turned to him, "I'll be back, I will." She glanced down, "I love you, too. You know that." 

"I know I shouldn't," he said, "but -" and he pulled her into his arms holding her tightly to him. Kathryn moaned softly and slid her own around him, being careful not to let her makeup touch his uniform. She tried not to cry and trembled against him as they held each other for several minutes. 

As he held her, she felt his strength and love sink into her and a strange calmness wash over her. She knew she'd be back to him and the Doctor would be there to restore her to health. 

Finally, she sighed and whispered, "let's get back on the bridge. It's almost time -" and looked at him, letting the sight of him sink into her memory. 

Chakotay kissed her gently and deeply. She responded with a soft moan and after a moment he looked at her. "Now," he stated, "we're both ready," and she smiled. He did as well and released her, she checked herself for wrinkles and nodded. "Let's go," they walked out onto the bridge. 

=/\=

While Kathryn, Tuvok and B'Elanna were on the cube to deploy the virus, Chakotay had his hands full with the battle damage and his subconscious was on Kathryn. His own fears surfaced, when her hologram was sent to sickbay to give him the order to destroy Unimatrix Zero. 

He did as ordered and managed to beam all three back to Voyager just as the cube exploded. He wanted to go down to sickbay to see them, but knew he'd be in the Doctor's way. So, he called down ordering the Doctor to call him when it was okay. The Doctor informed him the captain insisted on seeing him. 

=/\=

When Chakotay arrived in sickbay, he saw Tuvok on the main biobed being worked on by Tom and the Doctor. B'Elanna was asleep on another bed. His chest tightened seeing his friends with the Borg implants all over them. 

He then saw the privacy screen around the nearby biobed and knew Kathryn was there. The Doctor was granting her this privilege to spare her dignity from being viewed by the crew while the Borg implants were still attached. 

Chakotay steeled himself as to what Kathryn would look like and stepped inside the screen. He found her laying on her side resting, her hair gone and the cranial implant still glowing, although she wasn't linked to the Collective. 

He noticed the rest of her body was covered in a blanket, but it didn't take away the white ghostlike pallor of her skin. He then walked around to her and pulled up the stool provided and sat down quietly. 

"Kathryn?" he asked gently. 

Her eyes opened and she hid them with her hand, knowing their blue was now a steel gray. "I should have waited," she whispered. “You shouldn't see me like this -" 

"It's okay," he said, softly. "Are you in any pain?" 

"The Doctor gave me something," she replied with a sigh. "He needs to work on Tuvok first. I'm next."

"You wanted to see me?" he asked.

She stared at him, "yes, just you -" 

"Kathryn your getting dramatic," he claimed, with a soft smile. She smirked, "you just rest, okay? Once the Doctor is through, I'll come back." 

"Okay," she replied and felt a warmth of affection when he tenderly stroked her eyebrow. She then reached out touching his hand, "thank you." 

Chakotay then leaned over her, "anything for you, my love," he said in the softest whisper into her ear. He then turned and left. 

The Doctor had Kathryn and B'Elanna's implants removed before the end of Gamma shift. The cosmetics would be worked on within the next few days to allow time for their bodies to heal. Their hair was stimulated back and were given more painkillers to dull the ache from the removal of the implants. 

Once their cosmetic healing was done, they were sent to their quarters for two weeks medical leave. But, Kathryn was determined to go back to work. The ship was still on impulse while repairs were going on and she wanted to be there. Chakotay finally told her to rest and he had it all under control. She finally started sleeping once that was done. 

A week and a half later, repairs were just about done and Kathryn felt almost like herself, since she was able to walk around the ship. Although her back still hurt somewhat, she asked Chakotay to meet her on the holodeck the next night. She wasn't in the mood for lovemaking. She just wanted to be held. 

=/\=

Kathryn lay with her back exposed, but still wearing a pair of trousers as she lay on the bed while Chakotay gently massaged the ache out of her back. Soft music played as she felt like sleeping to his gentle pressure. 

He noticed she was almost asleep and smiled, enjoying the fact that she was relaxed. "Feel okay?" he asked. 

"Oh yes," she murmured. "You have wonderful hands," she turned her head gazing up at him. "Have I ever told you that?" 

"Plenty of times," he replied. 

She was quiet for a moment and then sighed, "I didn't think we'd ever do this again." 

"I know," he said, as he worked on her lower back. "I was worried too, but I had to get you back." He pressed alittle more and she winced, "sorry, love." He let up some, "have you taken a bath yet?" 

"The moment," she replied, "I was released from sickbay." She sighed, "I'll be back to duty in a few days," and felt him stop. She stared at him, "I'll be okay. My ship and crew need me." He didn't respond and she sighed, "Chakotay, it'll be a week and a half since the mission." 

"I can't stop you," he finally said. "Come on, sit up so I can do your neck." Kathryn slowly righted herself and teetered some, he steadied her gently. She then sat on the edge of the bed with the blanket against her topless front. Her hair was pinned up behind her, as he now knelt, starting to work on her neck muscles. She groaned in the pleasure as he kneaded her muscles gently. 

"I know you're just," she said, "trying to give me time. But, you know if I don't go back to duty, I'll be going stir-crazy. And, I know you have things under control. I just -" 

"Kathryn, I just don't," he claimed, "want you too overdue it." 

She tilted back her head gazing up at him, "what would I do without you?"

Chakotay smiled, "be without my massages," and she smiled. He leaned down kissing her gently and she responded. 

Then she pulled away, "good point," and tilted her head to the side allowing him access to a sore muscle. She moaned in delight, "and your wonderful mouth, hands -" 

"Kathryn!" he chuckled, she laughed. "We can't make love until you're better, so stop it." He stopped, "now, you're done," and sat back against the wall. She then lay propped up against him as he wrapped his arms around her gently. 

She sighed, "I can't help it when you make me feel so good. We haven't made love since after the Doctor came back through the Midas Array." 

"I know," he said, "but we will soon," he tenderly kissed the side of her head. She started to relax against him. He had all he could do not to caress her beneath the blanket. So he slid his arms around her waist to keep himself still. 

"I'm sleepy," she said softly. "Your massages put me to sleep." 

"We've got an hour and a half," he said gently. "Take a nap, Kathryn." 

She then stretched out alongside him and he pulled the blanket tighter over her to keep her warm. He then propped himself up on his elbow beginning to stroke her hair gently. Just when he thought she was asleep, she whispered, "I'll be seeing her again, Chakotay." 

"Who?" 

"The Borg Queen," she replied softly. 

"I really hope not," he said as he continued to stroke her hair and back. "I think it's inevitable," Kathryn said simply. She sighed about ready to drift off and then, "Chakotay, how's our baby doing?" 

"Oh, Kathryn," he replied and wrapped his arms around her kissing her face. "Our baby is just fine. Now, no more talk of the Borg Queen. You need to stay healthy for our baby." 

"I agree," she said. "No more Borg Queen. I've got to have my baby." 

He chuckled, "go to sleep, Kathryn. I'm here," and she finally drifted off to sleep. 

Once Kathryn recovered, she was back to duty full steam. Her shifts were taken up with plenty of reports to review, the plans for the new Delta Flyer and willingly giving up her holodeck time to B'Elanna and Tom, who wanted a weekend. Although she longed to be with Chakotay, she knew the couple needed time together.

Before she knew it, the new Delta Flyer had been spotted on a test run and she was approached by Tom to take part in the Anterian Trans-Steller Rally. The race wasn't long, but difficult. Feeling Tom's excitement, she agreed to let Tom bring the Flyer up to race requirements and entered them in the race. 

After that, it was chaos when Kathryn agreed to host the pre-festivities to avoid any new conflict with the neighboring species. 

Once the race was underway, Neelix's enthusiasm drew the nearby crew into astrometrics, including both herself and Chakotay. He stood close behind her and she felt her body react to his heat and forced it down. They weren't alone and she had all she could do not to touch him then. She wanted him desperately and they hadn't been together in close to two months. 

When sabotage postponed the race and one of the pilots was taken out for his injuries, Harry took his place and B'Elanna joined Tom on the Flyer to finish the race. They lost the race, due to the warp core being rigged to explode. When Tom and B'Elanna returned to the ship and announced they wanted to marry as soon as possible, Kathryn was happy to oblige. 

She performed their ceremony the next day with B'Elanna in a simple white dress and veil. Chakotay gave her away and the crew sent them happily back to the Flyer for a two-day honeymoon, which traveled on thrusters very nearby in the sector. 

=/\=

After the ceremony and Neelix started the clean up from the party in the messhall with Naomi's help. Kathryn tiredly walked with Chakotay to her quarters. Tuvok was handling the bridge for now. 

They entered and she walked over to her replicator to get a cup of coffee, while he sat down in the armchair. 

“Sure," he replied and she called up another cup for him. She then walked over and handed him his and then sank down on the sofa opposite him. Kathryn sighed, "I can't believe they actually did it." 

“I know," he replied with a nod. "But, Tom can handle her and he's not afraid. I think it turns him on when she gets all wound up." 

Kathryn laughed, "probably," and fought a yawn. 

He glanced at her, "ever see a nervous Klingon?" She shook her head, "well, you don't want to. I swear if that ceremony started five minutes late, B'Elanna would have phasered the door out.” 

"You're kidding!” she laughed. “Oh, my -!” 

“So, it started on time," he said, "thank you." He saw her yawn and as much as he wanted to stay he stood up. "I'd better go -" 

“-Why?" she asked shocked.

"You're exhausted," he replied, "and if I don't, I'll end up making love to you here instead of the holodeck." 

She stood up taking his hand, "oh, I know. It's been awhile and it's been difficult for me as well." She sighed, "how about we meet next week? The usual day?" 

“Sounds good," he said and put his cup down. He then pulled her up against him, she gasped and he made sure she could feel how hard he was. "I miss you, Kathryn." 

The same goes for me," she said, her voice growing husky. His hands were on her backside and she felt herself grow warm and a rush of moisture from below. "Chakotay, you'd better -" and he kissed her deeply. She responded wrapping her arms around him, their hunger evident. After several moments, she pulled away gasping, "go, now. Before we do make love -" 

He let her go stepping back, "I know. I'm sorry. I had to -" she nodded. "Goodnight, Kathryn," and he quickly walked out. 

That night, while Kathryn took her bath and her body still raged with need for him, she satisfied herself by touching herself until she came. After, she readied for bed and fell into a deep sleep. 

They didn't meet that next week when Seven's cortical node began to fail and Kathryn now had to find her a new one. She was ready to accept Seven's imminent death because one useful couldn't be found until Icheb came forward offering his own. 

Seven was against it, but Icheb took matters into his own hands and disconnected it forcing the Doctor to give it to Seven. Both survived, but Icheb was going to take alittle longer to recover and wouldn't need the Borg alcove much longer, as his body started to adjust naturally. 

The next week, Kathryn sent Harry Seven and the Doctor in the Flyer to find dilithium, where they were captured by a Lokirrium ship because of the Doctor. To avoid his capture, he stored himself in Seven's cortical node and she was able to save him until he saved Captain Ranick from a console explosion. Tuvok went through the Pon Farr with Tom's holographic help and they rescued the away team.

If was then, B'Elanna finally convinced Kathryn they had to find a habitable planet to set down for extensive repairs needed. Once out of Lokirrium space, she had Harry search for a Class-M they could set down on. 

They found a habitable and available planet in the next sector early the next week. 

Once they landed, B'Elanna started organizing repair teams to work on the main computer and the impulse engines, as well as, the environmental controls. Kathryn assigned various teams, including Harry, Seven and Neelix to go in search of supplies needed. Once they were gone, B'Elanna told her about the micro fractures in the starboard nacelle, which needed immediate attention. 

Both her and Chakotay were busy coordinating repairs throughout the ship, but Kathryn decided, somehow in all this, they'd meet on the holodeck, even if it were for an hour. 

That opportunity presented itself when the Annari discovered them and she opened a trade agreement in exchange for a new set of deuterium injectors and the high grade zeolite ore they recently mined in a nearby asteroid belt before landing. 

Harry contacted them during that time to make sure everything was okay. Kathryn told him it was and found it interesting that he'd asked. Once the Annari had left orbit to get them some deuterium injectors, Harry returned with the Kraylor and explained the situation. 

When he explained how he wanted the mission, she agreed to let him do it, since they'd be there for the next few days. Harry thanked her happily and then left to prepare. 

While she was still in the briefing room, she picked up the padd she was using and sent a message to Chakotay out on the bridge that they could meet for two hours tonight, now that some of the supply issues had been resolved. 

=/\=

That night, once exterior repairs were put on hold and the interior was wrapped so the crew could take a break, Kathryn nervously prepared to meet Chakotay on the holodeck. She arrived a couple of minutes early to change into nothing but a short, silk nightgown and the moment he entered the house, she pulled him into her arms kissing him passionately. Chakotay was surprised, but responded just as eagerly as they held each other tightly in the main part of the house. 

"Kathryn!" he whispered, as she was unfastening his trousers. Her hunger was driving her at the moment. "Not even a hello -?" 

" -Later!" she said, her voice deep with the passion she was feeling. "I can't wait, Chakotay." 

He suddenly couldn't either when he felt her hands reach inside beginning to caress him. He kissed her deeply, their tongues meshing and he directed her up against the nearest wall and slid his hands beneath the gown to find her bare, hot and very moist for him. 

She gave a loud moan when he touched her warmth and began to stroke. He then lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he released himself against her. 

"Now!” she whispered. "Please!" Chakotay did as told and joined them deeply and firmly. She groaned deep in her throat. He did as well, as he finally felt her velvety warmth surround him again. 

"Oh, Kathryn -" he whispered and moved his hips up while holding hers in place. He first started slow and deep, as she rocked against him, clinging tightly and biting into his shoulder. He gripped her hair gently and felt her shudder around him. 

"Yes," she groaned in the pleasure. "Don't stop!" They kissed deeply and passionately again and he began to move harder and faster. Her body thumped against the wall gently as he felt her shudder again and again. Her muscles were clenching him tightly, as both their releases were near. 

He could feel his own release building and her cries as he continued to pound harder and deeper into her. When he felt her release, she cried out with a scream and he spilled deeply into her with a groan. 

They clung tightly to each other gasping, her body still quaking from the release. When she was finally able to speak, she lifted her head gazing at him, "hello there," she whispered. 

He grinned, "hello," and kissed her gently. She responded and let her legs down to touch the floor. He still held her and then kissed her face and throat. She tilted back her head with a sigh. "I've missed you, my love." 

"So did I," she whispered. "So much." 

"Come on," he said and pulled his trousers up, just barely fastening them and walked with her into the bedroom. She lay on the bed waiting as he removed his clothes and lay beside her, as she curled into his arms. "So, I guess you were happy to see me?" 

"Very happy," she replied and placed a deep kiss on his chest. "I knew I surprised you, but I couldn't help myself. I've needed you for so long -" 

"-If you didn't do it," he claimed. "I was going to." 

Kathryn kept kissing his chest and caressing him, and she felt him shiver beneath her in response. She smiled, "it's good to know we're still on the same level." 

He ran his hands through her hair as she explored him, he groaned when she started to caress him again. His arousal started to build again, "yes, it is," and she took him in her mouth. He arched his hips to her, her warm mouth gently bringing him to release. "You said -two hours -" 

She pulled away gazing deeply at him, "two hour's -" and began to straddle him as he helped position himself against her. "We can talk later, Chakotay," he nodded and both groaned when she slowly sank down onto him. She leaned over kissing him deeply and gently beginning to move her hips downward. 

After their second time making love, they lay spent in each other's arms quietly. He kissed her head softly, "I love you." 

She moaned, “I love you, too," and drifted off to a light sleep. 

He woke her less than 45 minutes later so they could dress and leave. Before leaving, they promised not to wait as long until the next time. 

After leaving, he walked her back to her quarters and said goodnight. She went into her quarters and once changed for bed, fell asleep immediately. 

Two days later, the Annari returned claiming Harry's involvement with the Kraylor ended the trade negotiations and Voyager had to leave their space as soon as possible. B'Elanna would have to finish repairs in orbit. 

Kathryn tried to explain Harry's involvement, but it didn't help. She managed to get the deuterium injectors and wrapped up the exterior work. Tom then brought the ship back into orbit and they completed repairs there, while waiting for Harry and Seven to return. 

Once they did, Kathryn left Annari space quickly and Harry gave his full report on the Annari/Kraylor conflict. Kathryn was impressed how he had worked himself out of a very difficult situation for his first real command. She knew he'd make a fine commander with the lessons from that mission. 

Less than two months later, the Hirogen's struggle against the holograms, who were retaliating for the brutality they experienced, while under the Hirogen hunt took precedence. 

Kathryn was concerned over this, since she gave the Hirogen the technology to change the way of the hunt. When the Doctor mutinied over to the hologram's ship, she was angry. When B'Elanna was kidnapped, her stress level shot into overload, because she now had to deal with Tom insisting they do something, because he wanted his wife back. 

Chakotay allowed her to see the Doctor's side of things and not just Voyager's. It took a few hours, but when they managed to stop the hologram's from annihilating the Hirogen, her attitude changed when she found how the Doctor stopped Iden. 

When B'Elanna and the Doctor were safely back on board and the ship was underway again, Kathryn paid a visit to the Doctor. By then, her anger no longer existed, as the ends justified the means. She knew it was also her fault with what happened with the Hirogen and Starfleet technology. She asked for him to file a report on his mission and left. 

The next three weeks were uneventful as Voyager entered a new sector. The crew dealt with the various anomalies and course adjustments. Chakotay decided to share a bottle of Anterean Cider with Kathryn over dinner that week, because it was their first anniversary since they started as a couple. 

Their dinner was interrupted or Kathryn's fixing of her replicator with a sudden highly charged anomaly that split the ship up into 35 different time frames from a surge of gravimetric neutrinos' that destabilized the warp core. 

When he woke in sickbay he found himself just more than four years in the past. His adventures with the younger Kathryn allowed him to put the ship back into the present and to secure her trust in him. He just hoped it wouldn't damage their love affair. 

He found it didn't, when he returned to the bridge and brought her back to finish dinner. After, of course, they put the replicator back together and she finished dinner with a vegetable pasta dish. 

Once they ate, they discussed his reasoning by using a lightning rod through the deflector dish and the temporal prime directive. 

=/\=

She laughed softly with a shake of her head. The ale tasted good and her head felt slightly off-balance. She felt good being with him, as she always did. She then looked at him, "Chakotay, do you ever think we'll make it home?" 

He stared at her and held up his glass letting the candlelight reflect off the remaining ale in his glass. The candlelight glowed against her and the starlight made her look even more beautiful. 

"Do you know why," he asked, "I brought this tonight?" She shook her head, "it's our first anniversary, Kathryn." 

"Anniversary?" she repeated.

"The night you revealed," he replied, "that we'd been lovers on the holodeck and that you were pregnant." 

She glanced down and nodded, "that's right, it is," She sighed, "I can't believe it's been that long. Our baby would be almost a year -" she shook her head. 

"It'll still happen, Kathryn," he said gently. 

She then shrugged, "do you ever regret what we did, Chakotay?" 

Chakotay put his glass down on the table and then moved over beside her. He took her hands in his, "no, I don't." He sighed, "considering what the last year has been like. It was for the best." 

Kathryn nodded and felt his hands grip hers tighter. She sighed, "I know you're right. I just -can't help thinking -" 

"Don't," he said and she looked at him. "Everything will work out. You have to believe that." And she nodded, and he leaned over kissing her gently. 

She responded and then pulled away, "perhaps, when we're closer to the Alpha Quadrant, I'll resume the pregnancy. Long as I'm not in my 60's." 

He grinned, "you won’t be," and she smiled. He pulled her into his arms holding her gently. She then wrapped her arms around him, enjoying the feel of his embrace. "Want to go to the holodeck?" 

Kathryn smiled and then looked at him, "it's so late -" and he kissed her gently, igniting the fire within her again. After a moment, she pulled away, "why not?" She pulled away standing, "I have to change -" 

He then stood up pulling her to him, "Kathryn," he said softly. "I -" she stared at him. "I'll see you in 20 minutes." 

"With bells on," she said, her voice deep and pulled him towards the door. "Hurry up, Chakotay" and pushed him out of her quarters. Once he was out, she ran into her bedroom to change. 

That night on the holodeck, they had a full three hours to make love a few times and lay in bed talking and laughing. Kathryn knew she was going to be tired the next day, but she didn't care. That very night was special for both of them. 

The next three months, B'Elanna's pregnancy was revealed and she and Tom dealt with her heritage problem on the baby's future. They encountered the prisoner ship and housed them under tight security. 

Kathryn tried to understand Seven's determination on saving the prisoner, Iko. As hard as she tried to help save him from execution, it didn't help. When the prisoner's were transferred to their new ship, all Kathryn could do was help Seven understand why. 

The next few weeks, they encountered the Klingon ship that had been traveling for over 100 years in search of a Klingon prophet. B'Elanna and her unborn were suddenly declared the prophet of choice. The Klingon's ship was destroyed and Voyager now housed an additional zoo people. 

Housing was a problem. All the officer's had to vacate their quarters for the families and bunk up with the enlisted. Some officer's roomed together and Kathryn dealt with her dilemma of vacating her own quarters for a family or allowing other's to stay with her. 

She decided to let Sam and Naomi Wildman stay with her, since she was so busy trying to maintain a semblance of order, find a new home for their Klingon guests and to deal with the head of the group, who wanted B'Elanna to perform a ritual to prove her baby was their savior. 

During the ritual, the Klingon warrior, T'Greth collapsed from a genetic retro virus that lay dormant in all the Klingon's blood until activated. 

The Doctor was able to find a cure for it and inoculated all the Klingon's on board, including B'Elanna and the baby, which held the cure. Shortly later, they found a proper habitable planet for the klingon's to live. 

They were beamed down with enough supplies to last while they constructed homes and able to find food. 

=/\=

Later that night after duty, Kathryn was too exhausted to do anything,including cleaning her own quarters. In those weeks the klingon's were on board, her clothes lay in a pile in a corner of her bedroom and she had reused the same coffee cup for the past three days. 

She glared into it with disgust and put it down. She walked over to her armchair and sat down tiredly. She then put her legs up on the coffee table, crossing them and tilted back her head closing her eyes enjoying the peace and quiet. 

Her door chime rang and she groaned, "now what?" It ran again and she opened her eyes lifting her head. "Yes, come in." The doors slid open and Chakotay entered, now dressed in a simple beige linen outfit. "Why, hello there," she said surprised. 

He smiled gently at her, "hello yourself." He sat down on the sofa, "you look tired -" 

She smirked, "thanks for the observation." she studied him, "why do you look so relaxed?" 

"A vision quest -" he started and she nodded understanding. 

Kathryn glanced around her cabin, "excuse the mess, but I don't feel like cleaning right now." 

"That's okay," he said. "Would you like a massage?" 

She smiled, "what a tempting offer," and then sighed holding up a foot. "How about just the feet? They're killing me." 

Chakotay nodded and stood up, "come here," he reached down taking her hands and pulled her to her feet. They stared at each other and then he wrapped his arms around her. He had the temptation to break free of their holodeck life and resume it right here, but she wouldn't agree to that. He loved her so much and only in privacy but they allowed themselves the chance to connect like this. He wanted more, but knew he'd just have to settle for this. 

Kathryn could feel how he wanted her and they could have their holodeck relationship transferred to the outside, but it wasn't possible. Not while they were in the Delta Quadrant. She gripped his back gently, "Chakotay," she whispered, "we can't, not here." 

"I know," he said and kissed her head gently. "I just love you so much and I wish -"

"So do I," she replied and gazed up at him. "I love you, too. But, you know what we want, we can't have." He kissed her gently. She responded and after a moment pulled away, "maybe you should go -" 

He shook his head, "no, it's okay. Let me massage your feet and then I will." 

"Okay," she said and he turned her back around to sit on the sofa. She sat down and he at the end. Once she stretched her legs out and he removed her boots and the socks she wore, he took one foot gently and began applying pressure to the arch. She groaned in response and tilted back her head. 

Chakotay gently massaged each of her feet, enjoying her pleasure in this. He wanted to make her life easier in the Delta Quadrant, even if they weren't lovers. Their friendship over the years finally found the love that was there. That was always there. 

Once he was done, he put her foot down after kissing it gently. She moaned, "thank you, so much." She then closed her eyes briefly and she heard him stand and felt a gentle kiss on her as he prepared to leave. She touched his face gently as she responded. "I'll see you in the morning, Chakotay." 

"Goodnight, Kathryn," he said softly and quietly left. 

The next week, both of them were invited to a "culinary experiment" by Seven and Neelix. Tom and B'Elanna were invited as well. 

All were enjoying the meal when the ship was pulled into another void. Kathryn had her hands full with finding supplies for the crew, when theirs was taken by another ship trying to survive and trying to create an alliance for those who also wanted out of the void. 

After spending those weeks in the void, they managed to escape, along with the two allies they managed to keep from the void. Once free, they bid goodbye to them and headed in the opposite direction. 

Since the foodstuffs were low and Voyager was just entering a new sector, when they were contacted by the Nar Shadaan and invited to visit the planet, but Kathryn figured they didn't have the time since resources were low. She had Chakotay, Neelix and Harry go do the meet and greet, while they searched for food and other necessities. 

When Chakotay returned to the present coordinates, with Harry sick in the back and Neelix attempting to treat him, he was suddenly concerned. Voyager wasn't there. This was unlike Kathryn not to have the ship waiting for an away team. Something was wrong. 

When they found the ship adrift in a nearby nebula and the Doctor the only one aboard desperately trying to restore the ship's vital functions, the news of what happened to the crew made Chakotay determined to find them as soon as possible. 

Kathryn was out there somewhere and waiting for him. 

It took two weeks to get the ship's systems fairly normal again. Harry found the crew three light years away on a planet called Quarren. He had the ship go there, but had no success talking with the Quarren ambassador who refused to let him talk to Kathryn or anyone else. 

When he found Kathryn on Quarren in the plant, he saw his lover on the holodeck and not his captain. She was warm and open and very happy. If it was any place but Quarren, he'd be pleased. 

After Neelix and himself managed to follow B'Elanna and Neelix got her back to the ship, he hid in Kathryn's old apartment with his injured shoulder to hide from the authorities. 

He managed to convince Kathryn or at least he thought he did, of whom he was and especially, of herself. His capture by the authorities and almost being treated for dysphoria syndrome was fouled, when Harry and the Doctor managed to locate and beam the entire crew back on board. 

The Doctor started treating everyone. It took a couple of days for all to reacclimate back to the ship. During this, Harry and the Doctor wrapped up business with the Quarren authorities. 

Kathryn spent time in her quarters. He left her alone, since he had enough to deal with until they left the system. 

While Chakotay was dealing with ships' business, Kathryn sat in her quarters coming to terms with what happened. Including her affair with Jaffen and the life she was leading there. 

She knew Chakotay had to be hurt over this. She tried not to cry, but she was alone and the tears fell. It saddened her that'd she would miss Jaffen, even though she knew she had to leave. 

When Jaffen came to say goodbye, it was tearful. He soothed her and she calmed before she walked him to the transporter room. Once that was done, she headed to the bridge. 

Once the ship was back on course, she remained on duty until the end of Alpha shift. Both left the bridge to a junior officer and parted at the lift to their quarters. Chakotay attempted to talk to her, but all she said was goodnight and left. 

=/\=

A few hours later Kathryn found she couldn’t sleep. She lay in bed wondering if her affair with Chakotay was over. She realized if he ended it, it would be her fault. And, she wasn't sure if she could make love to him again, given the circumstances. 

She groaned and sat up tiredly giving up on sleep. She shook her head and ran her hand through her hair with a sigh. Deciding she needed to take a walk, she got out of bed and dressed into the blue dress. She then slipped on the matching shoes and walked out of her quarters. 

Her walk eventually took her to the holodeck. Both were unoccupied. She started the program and entered. 

It was dusk on New Earth. She gazed around and walked around enjoying their surrounding land and garden. She then entered the house and remembered the last time they made love. Almost a month before. 

She wandered into the bedroom and sank down onto the bed. Although it was just a holographic simulation, its covers were still wrinkled and the pillows had their head imprints on them. 

=/\=

Chakotay finally tried contacting Kathryn and she didn't answer the hail in her quarters. He figured she was wandering the ship to refamiliarize herself again and hesitated on finding her. 

He decided they needed to talk about what happened. It wasn't good to avoid it. He located her with the computer and was surprised to hear she was in holodeck one. She didn't tell him she was going to be there, so he wasn't sure if he should go. 

He changed into a pair of comfortable clothes and shoes deciding to go talk to her. It was now or never. 

=/\=

Kathryn ran her hand along the blanket remembering their last time here. How passionate it was and then how tender. She smiled softly at the memory...

"I’ve always loved your smiles," he said and she glanced up shocked. He stood in the doorway staring at her. 

"I wasn't sure," she said softly, "if you'd come." 

He smirked folding his arms across his chest, "I always do. Besides, I came pretty well the last time." 

Kathryn then laughed softly with a nod, "that you did." She then quieted as her smile faded, "oh, Chakotay, I'm so sorry -I -" 

He then went over to her and took her hand gently as he sat down, "no, Kathryn, no." He sighed, "you didn't know. How could you?" 

She shrugged, "I just feel horrible," her voice shook. "I'm so worried it's over -" and put her face in her hand to hide what few tears fell. 

Chakotay pulled her into his arms crooning, "no, my love. It's not. We'll get through this, we will." 

She wrapped her arms around him calming, hoping he was right. 

He held her for a while longer and then suggested they get some sleep. She agreed and they left the holodeck together. He walked her back to her quarters and said goodnight. 

The next two months, the crew received a visit from Q and his son, Q. Kathryn grew fond of the younger Q, when left in her charge and when he tried to please his father. 

She also felt older suddenly and tired. She wished they'd be home by the new year, but knew it was an almost impossible wish, unless something miraculous happened, like a wormhole that led right to the Alpha Quadrant. 

Her mood had improved since Quarren, but she and Chakotay still didn't return to the holodeck, since that night they talked. She figured her restlessness had dampened her need to be with him. 

Shortly later, they made two-way communication with Earth again. Kathryn spoke with Starfleet on past missions and possible upcoming ones. It was during then, she got word of the Doctor's holo-novel that was being played back home and showing herself and the crew in a negative light. 

A hearing proceeded the next several days between herself, the Doctor, Seven and Tuvok with Admiral Paris, Reg Barclay and the book publisher to determine the Doctor's holographic rights. 

In the end, the moderator concluded the Doctor was obviously sentient and his rights did matter on this. Kathryn was pleased for her Doctor and friend on this. 

The next night, Chakotay asked her to meet him on the holodeck and she agreed. 

=/\=

Kathryn clutched him to her tightly groaning as he gently moved against her. She had missed him, deeply. They kissed deeply again and she pressed him deeper into her. 

"I love you," he whispered. 

Her body shuddered, "I love you, too," and her heart sank as it suddenly occurred to her this was their last time together. She now needed to feel him completely, "harder!" she commanded him. 

Chakotay lifted his head gazing at her, he gasped, "why?" He was enjoying this time between them, and it had been so long. 

She reached up taking his face in her hands, "I just -I can't wait," she whispered. "It's been so long." 

"Patience," he said, softly. "Just be patient, my love," and he kissed her gently again, continuing to move slowly and deeply into her. 

Kathryn held her tears and slid her hands down him and to his backside guiding him against her. She arched her hips more to him and wrapped her legs higher around his waist as they rocked together. 

Chakotay held it as long as he could, but her muscles were gripping him more and she was nearing release. He began to move faster, she cried out in response and dug her nails into his back. 

"Please!" she whimpered. "Don't stop, Chakotay!" 

He then began to pound harder into her, his own release close. She cried out again and he buried his face in her neck and hair. When he felt her release, her muscles clamped down hard on him and she gave a loud moan of pleasure. He then felt his and collapsed against her gasping. 

Kathryn closed her eyes while stroking his back. She kissed his shoulder gently and he finally lifted his head gazing at her. 

"Are you okay?" he asked gently, sensing something different. 

She stared up at him and then nodded, "yes, why?" 

He tenderly stroked a wisp of hair off her forehead, "you're just -I don't know, too quiet." She then pulled away from him, rolling onto her side. He lay staring up at the ceiling. "What's wrong, Kathryn?" 

She wiped the tears before they fell, "it's not you. It's me -" 

He then lay against her, wrapping her against him, "talk to me," he said gently. "What's wrong?" 

Kathryn sighed, her confusion and lack of feeling nothing more than numb from the sex, hadn't made her feel any better. She suddenly wanted to leave, but wasn't sure how to tell him. 

She then shrugged, "let me work it out, Chakotay." She then just decided and sat up to his shock. 

Now he knew there was something wrong. She was getting ready to leave. He sat up, "Kathryn, what's going on?" 

Kathryn pulled on her bra and panties, and then stood picking up her dress. She was having all she could do not to start crying then. She shook her head keeping her voice calm. "It's me, not you," she pulled it on and fastened it. She glanced down at him, his confusion written on his face. "I'm sorry, Chakotay," and she quickly left him still in bed. 

Chakotay sat in shock at her departure. She suddenly had closed off to him. He wanted to go after her, but knew her well enough when she needed time alone. After his thoughts were settled, he got out of bed, dressed and turned off the program. He left the holodeck still confused, but clueless on what to do and wondered what was going to happen when she came for duty in the morning. 

=/\=

Kathryn sat curled on her bed with her forehead pressed against her knees. She breathed deeply and slowly to avoid the tears that wanted to come. She shuddered on what just happened between them. Or, what she just did... 

She loved him deeply, but felt lost suddenly. She didn't feel anything and that's what worried her. She felt trapped and just so homesick all of a sudden. She wanted to tell him this and let him hold her, but she couldn't seem to force the words out. Her chest was tight and stomach felt it was in knots. 

And her baby, which waited in sickbay, she still wanted to have that baby. She knew he was confused over this, but she couldn't face him right now and she had to in the morning. 

Kathryn wiped her eyes and forced herself to move off the bed and to change. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to sleep, but knew she'd have to try. Several minutes later, she lay in bed still tight with her tears. As it built, she couldn't hold it back any longer. They spilled down her face as she buried her face in her pillow, "I want to go home," she whispered, tearfully. But how was she going to do it? They'd been in the Delta Quadrant for seven long years and there still wasn't an end in sight. 

She felt hopeless and now helpless in her goal and she just had shut out Chakotay, her lover and best friend, from helping her through this. The tears finally put her to sleep. 

From the next morning on, Kathryn dealt with her sudden depression. She was cordial with Chakotay and only spoke with him on ships' business. Their dinner's stopped, as well as, any social events. 

He tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't give him the chance. The next two weeks, Kathryn received her first order's to retrieve the Friendship One probe. It was just what she needed to get over her depression, or so she thought. When Joe Carey was murdered by Verin, she felt her anger and sadness hit her directly. 

The catalytic agent to neutralize the radiation in the planet's atmosphere, proposed by their guest scientist on board was launched into the atmosphere with an isolitic chain reaction by photon torpedoes to help it globally. It worked and the Doctor supplied them with enough nanoprobes to cure the inhabitants of their radiation sickness. 

They were allowed to take the probe's remains and left orbit. After Kathryn filed her report to be sent back to Starfleet, she was informed of the memorial service for Joe Carey. 

It was somber and she held her own tears before she sent his body into space. Once the brief service was finished, Neelix started the round of dishes for the memorial party. 

Kathryn couldn't stay. She made her rounds with the attending crew, except Chakotay and left. He watched her leave and wanted to talk to her. When he found her in Carey's quarters, she wasn't crying, her mood was reflective and she didn't turn him away when he sat down at the small table. 

=/\=

She slowly stood up from the table to leave. He sat quietly for a moment, 

"Kathryn?" She stopped and then he stood turning to her, "I just need to know one thing," she didn't respond. He walked up behind her, "is it over?" 

Kathryn bit her lip gazing down, "I don't know," she replied softly. 

He wrapped his arms around her gently and felt her shudder. "I miss you," he said tenderly. 

"Oh, Chakotay," she said, "I wish -" 

He turned her to him and made her look at him, "what? Talk to me." She looked down again, it was obvious she wasn't going to. He sighed, "do you love me, Kathryn?" She nodded, "then tell me if it's over or not. I need to go on with my life, if it is." He didn't want to tell her, and Seven had approached him about going to lunch this week. 

"I don’t know," she said sadly, "what to say. I -" and he kissed her gently. She responded with a soft moan, not wanting it to be over, but knew it was. She didn't know why, especially now when she needed him the most. 

After a moment, he looked at her, his eyes searching hers for answers. "Kathryn?" 

She reached up placing her hand against his face, and he kissed it gently. Her throat was tight with tears and she replied, her voice choked, "I'm sorry, Chakotay, my warrior." she dropped her hand turning away, "I'm so sorry," and she walked out. 

When the ship entered the Ledos system, they were invited to attend a science conference. Kathryn decided a shoreleave was a good idea and suggested Chakotay and Seven to attend, if they wanted to go. 

Both decided to go, given the fact, Chakotay figured since his affair with Kathryn was over and he'd already been to lunch with Seven, his admiration of the lush plant life below as they headed to the conference in a shuttle caused them to crash against the protective energy barrier. With Seven's quick thinking, they beamed through the opening she made before the shuttle was destroyed. 

His leg injury and being treated by the Ventu, gave him the opportunity to study the natives up close. He made mental notes, so when he returned to Voyager, he'd write a paper on it and submitted it to the Starfleet Archeological and Sciences Division. Perhaps it'd help him get somewhere when they finally got home, depending on how his relationship with Seven turned out. 

He still couldn't believe he was dating the former Borg. Seven was trying to impress him and keep his interest in different things. He was interested, and felt a slight attraction, but his heart wasn't involved. Kathryn still had it and probably always would. 

When they were rescued and reported back to the ship, his leg was treated and he and Seven told Kathryn the Ventu's way of life needed to be preserved. She agreed and warned the Ledosian's, as soon as the last of the shuttle debris was retrieved, the energy barrier would return. 

With Tom's help in the Flyer, he transported the debris and the remaining Ledosian's on board. Given the fact they'd ruined their welcome, Kathryn cancelled shoreleave and left the system. 

Kathryn was approached by both Neelix and Naomi to celebrate First Contact Day. She was all for the idea and gave her permission for the party. It was during the party, Chakotay arrived, claiming they picked up Talaxian life signs in a nearby asteroid field. From that moment on, when Neelix made contact with his own people for the first time in four years. 

When Neelix let Kathryn, know of the colony's plight against the miners, she wanted to help, but it bordered with the Prime Directive. Neelix then took securing the colony's safety into his own hands. Kathryn then decided to assist him, while the torpedoes were implanted throughout the asteroid, by protecting him from the miner's phaser strikes. 

Once it was done and the colony was safe, the ship prepared to leave. Before they did, Kathryn contacted Admiral Paris with an idea. He approved of it and she waited in a darkened messhall with some coffee for Neelix to show. 

When he did, she brought up the idea for him to be the ambassador to the Delta Quadrant, she explained as much as she'd miss his presence on board, they'd survive. Neelix took her up on the offer, packed his things and the crew wished him well before he boarded his ship and headed back to the colony. 

A month later, Kathryn attended a medical symposium in a nearby system with the Doctor while the ship was under Chakotay's command, explored various star clusters. During the symposium, the Doctor didn’t bring up his observations that she and Chakotay had stopped coming in for their boosters in the past two months. He knew Seven was now pursuing Chakotay as her first love interest. As much as he wanted to tell her not to, he couldn't and his own heart was aching because she didn't see his love for her. 

When they were captured by the Hierarchy and he was forced to return to Voyager impersonating his friends to steal the warp core. He managed to foil the plan and save Kathryn and the warp core. His own existence was in question with the extra programming. With B'Elanna's expertise, he survived and was thoroughly embarrassed from his confessions. 

He was happy that Kathryn offered to spend time with him on the holodeck and took her up on it. He wasn’t sure if she knew about Seven and Chakotay, but didn't inform her, since she was obviously going through something. 

Two months later, Admiral Janeway came through the spatial distortion to change the crew's future. 

Once it was confirmed that the Admiral was Kathryn, only 26 year's older, Kathryn accepted it. She had the crew modify the ship to handle the borg-infested nebula in order to get home. 

This was her chance to get over her depression and home sickness. And maybe, resume her relationship with Chakotay, if he was willing. When she found the Admiral wasn't clear on her exact plans and endangered the crew, she called the mission off and demanded an answer. 

It wasn't the answer she was expecting. She first learned of Tuvok's illness and then Chakotay's marriage to Seven and then Seven's death. She was devastated and speechless. Kathryn found she almost couldn't breathe with this news and she left the admiral to sort it all out. 

She was in the messhall going over the past year and her last time with Chakotay. She couldn't blame him for moving on, she let him when she broke off their affair and now she was so hurt because it was her fault. The admiral came in for some coffee while she was there and Kathryn claimed she gave it up. The admiral told her. She should never have. 

=/\=

The admiral stared at Kathryn's illuminated face across the room and knew what she was thinking and feeling. She'd already been there. She walked over and slowly sat down opposite her younger self. 

"It was your decision," the Admiral told Kathryn softly. 

"What was?" 

"To end the affair," the Admiral replied simply. She shrugged and sat back in the chair. "I didn't want to, but I had to. Telling Chakotay to move on was the best thing." 

"How can you say that?" Kathryn asked shocked. 

"Easy," she replied and sighed, "I realize now, I didn't believe in us. He did, but I wanted to go home so bad, that I became focused only on that." 

Kathryn was quiet and then looked at her, *but, what about our baby? Did I ever have -?" The admiral shook her head and she felt her heart skip. "What happened?" 

"I can't tell you -" 

Kathryn leaned forward asking firmly, "yes, you can! You've already broken the temporal prime directive with coming here. I deserve to know this past -" 

"-What will you do," the Admiral asked, "if I tell you what you don't want to hear?" 

"How do I know -?"

"Now, who's breaking," the Admiral claimed, "the temporal prime directive?" 

"Not if we change this future," Kathryn said.

The admiral stared at her and took a long drink from her coffee. Then she sighed, "when I married Seven and Chakotay, I realized there was no reason for the Doctor to keep the baby on life support."

Kathryn felt her heart leap into her throat as the admiral told her the future. “What?" she asked, in a choked whisper. 

"I had the Doctor," the Admiral said softly, "turn off the life support." 

"No," Kathryn whispered and her hand instinctively went to that spot the baby once lived. "No-" 

The admiral leaned forward gently taking her hand making Kathryn look at her. The tears could be seen in her counterpart's eyes. She remembered crying for days when she told the Doctor to discontinue the life support. 

"I just didn't come back," she told her, "to get the crew home earlier. I came back to give that baby a chance." Kathryn placed her other hand over her abdomen, "I didn't want to tell you this, but now I see it's good that I did. I know this is painful, but it will help you finish this mission." 

"Through that nebula?" Kathryn asked, her tears heard. She was so close to crying over this, but forced it all back and tried to breathe. 

"Yes," the Admiral replied. "It's the only way." She sighed, "you have got to get Chakotay back," and Kathryn lifted her eyes staring at her. "A couple of years after Seven died, we had this talk. He told me he wished I didn’t stop the life support, and we would have had something to go back to." She shrugged, "when we finally made it home, that part of our friendship just fell apart and we went our separate ways. That's when I started to become determined to go back and fix it. To change it, somehow." 

Kathryn nodded and realized the admiral was right. "Okay,” she finally said, her composure better. "We'll do it -" 

"-You'll do it," the Admiral told her. 

"What are you talking about?" 

The admiral smirked, "I figured it this way. The Alpha Quadrant can only handle one Kathryn Janeway and now, since I've been back for 26 years, it's your turn." 

Kathryn frowned, "you don't plan on going back, do you?" The admiral stared at her, "what are you planning?" 

The admiral patted her hand, "come on, get some sleep. Tomorrow, call a staff meeting," she stood up. "It's going to be a very busy day." 

=/\=

Once the staff figured the best thing as they traveled through the Borg conduit, they'd destroy each hub as they passed through. Kathryn injected the serum into the admiral and bid her farewell in the shuttle. 

The ride home was turbulent, but when they passed through the last hub and destroying it, only one thing was left. They destroyed the Borg sphere they hitched a ride inside of once they reached the Alpha Quadrant. 

Kathryn blinked at what she saw before her on the view screen. A whole armada of Starfleet ships prepared for a Borg attack. She kept her composure and then the cry of a newborn was heard over the comm. The bridge crew smiled and Kathryn happily told Tom to go see his daughter. 

From that point on, as the ship as it traveled at impulse back to Earth was escorted by the Enterprise . Kathryn was busy meeting with Captain Picard and inviting the Enterprise captain to Voyager's celebrations. 

She hid her true feelings during this time, knowing the sacrifice the admiral had made so she could make a better future for herself and her child. Kathryn decided she'll have the Doctor replant the baby back into her when the festivities and debriefings ended. She'd raise her baby, with or without Chakotay's support. 

Shortly before Voyager landed on Earth in two days, which was scheduled to arrive at dusk to a huge celebration at headquarters. Kathryn was starting to pack. Most of the crew was as well. 

Despite all the parties happening, duty shifts still resumed. Kathryn had her hands full with the arrival and scheduling for the debriefings on the Maquis, the Equinox survivors and several mission overviews. 

Chakotay stepped in to help her compile all the necessary reports. They didn't talk about his relationship with Seven, only ship business. Her heart was breaking during this, but she didn't let it show. 

=/\=

Later that night after duty, Kathryn walked down to sickbay. It was quiet as she passed various crewmembers. She noticed some were still packing, and there were groups together talking and embracing. Tears were being shed. 

She hoped the Doctor didn't have any visitors right now. 

When she walked in, she found it was empty, but heard the Doctor's music playing as he was in the lab sorting through his supplies and equipment. He was happily humming along with the music and she smiled knowing she was going to miss this. 

She approached him, "excuse me, Doctor?" He didn't hear her. She now raised her voice, "Doctor!" 

The Doctor stopped and turned with a start noticing her, "oh, Captain! I didn't hear you -" 

She indicated with her hand, "the music?" 

"Yes, of course," he said, with a nod. "Computer, pause playback," and it went silent. He stared at her, "now, what can I do for you, Captain?" 

She stepped closer to him, "I have -" she stopped with a shake of her head. "How’s my baby doing?" 

He stared at her, then sighed, “just fine, Captain. I wanted to ask you -" and stopped. He could tell she was devastated over Chakotay's relationship with Seven and was curious what she was going to do. He was unsure how to broach this with her, since it was so sensitive. 

Kathryn saw the look in his face, and she held up her hand, "its okay, Doctor." She didn't feel the need to explain to him, since it was known Chakotay was with Seven. She fought to keep her composure, "I would like to know, when all this craziness ends, if you can please let me resume my pregnancy?" 

The Doctor's heart fell, as what he knew she was asking was a difficult decision. He didn't want to seem insensitive, but he had to ask, "I don't want to seem so insensitive," he said gently. "But, why?"

Kathryn sighed, "because, it's the only thing I have left of Chakotay."

“Does he -?”

She shook her head, "no, he doesn't," and he nodded. She sighed, "will you do it for me, Doctor?" 

“Yes, of course," he replied, gently. "When?" 

"Within the next three or four months," she said. "After all the debriefing's end I'll be taking a long shoreleave. So, when I return." 

“Contact me,” he told her, “at Starfleet Medical." 

She nodded, “I will and thank you.”

“My pleasure, Captain," he said and she turned and walked out. He stood for a moment in thought as he picked up a hypo and realized he had to do something for her. He cared too much for his captain and friend to let her do this alone. 

=/\=

After Kathryn left sickbay, she felt her spirits rise somewhat and began mentally planning for the baby and what she needed to do. She decided she wanted to find a nice house with a large backyard and maybe by the ocean, so they could sit on the beach making sand castles, fly kites and wade in the surf. 

She hoped she'd have a girl. With that thought, she began to smile again and headed back to her quarters. 

=/\=

Chakotay picked up a small stack of his books and placed them into his duffle bag. He was trying to keep his packing limited to the duffle, so he could just leave the ship. His clothes sat folded neatly in a pile in a nearby chair and his medicine bundle on his night stand. He wanted to take another vision quest before the ship docked at Earth. 

He was alone tonight, since Seven was on duty in astrometrics and Kathryn...he didn’t want to think of Kathryn. This was hard enough for him. Dealing with her since returning home, ship business was cordial and she didn't meet his eyes. He still didn't understand why she ended the affair and he still missed her. Suddenly his door chime rang and he stepped out of his bedroom, "come in," he said. The doors slid open and he saw the Doctor enter. "Doc? Anything wrong?" 

The Doctor shook his head as he glanced around Chakotay's nearly empty quarters. "Nothing needing immediate attention," he replied. "At least, ship associated." 

Chakotay walked out curious, "so, what do I owe the pleasure?”

"I'm not sure," the Doctor claimed, "why I'm here would be considered a pleasure call." 

"What are you talking about?" Chakotay asked confused. 

He knew he was treading on this somewhat sensitive issue, but he needed to be the one to advise him. "It's about the captain," he said. 

Chakotay's face fell, "she sick?" That's the last thing he wanted to hear, knowing he'd be by her side in moments. 

"Not exactly," he replied. He sighed, "commander, I don't want to walk casually with this. But, I think you'd like to know, she intends to resume the pregnancy." 

Chakotay felt his heart skip and he sank down in a nearby chair at this news. He wasn't expecting this and it also added to the mystery to their broken affair. "Spirits," he whispered shocked. "Why?" He glanced up at the Doctor, "what did she tell you?" 

"Unfortunately," he replied, "what she told me has to remain in confidence." Chakotay nodded, "you'd just have to ask her." He sighed, "I wish I could tell you more, commander. The only thing I can offer is, your relationship with Seven -" Chakotay stared at him stunned, "all I can say is, she's hurt deeply." Chakotay still sat there unresponsive. "I thought you might like to know." 

Chakotay was now confused and at a loss with this news. He couldn't understand why Kathryn would do this, unless the reason why she ended the affair really had nothing to do with him. She did tell him it dealt with her... 

"Thank you, Doctor," he said softly. "I'll handle it." How? He wasn't sure yet. 

"Commander," he said gently, "if there's anything -?"

"That'll be all," Chakotay said, gazing at him. "And, we'll call you." The Doctor nodded and quietly left. He then rested his head against his hand, "Kathryn," he began to remember the night she told him she had impersonated her hologram in the program and that she was pregnant. He also promised her they'd have the baby when they finally arrived home. 

Now, they were home and he was with Seven. 

He leaned forward placing his face in his hands with a groan as he realized his relationship with Seven had to end. He had to talk to Kathryn before she did this, to let her know he would be there, even if she didn't want him to be. He straightened, "computer, locate Captain Janeway." 

"Captain Janeway," it replied, "is in her quarters." 

He stood up and decided he had to talk to Seven first, then Kathryn. He then realized he was still in uniform. If he was going to do this right, he'd have to change. He turned and walked back into his bedroom. 

=/\=

Seven inputted the new information on the console and watched the information scroll through on the nebula she was scanning on the further side of the Terran system. She heard the lab doors open and glanced over her shoulder finding Chakotay entering and dressed casually. 

She smiled softly at him, "I thought you were packing." 

Chakotay walked quietly up beside her, "I was," and Seven glanced at him. "Seven," he sighed, “we have to talk." 

Seven stopped her work and turned to him and noticed he wasn't smiling. A chill ran down her spine. She sensed whatever he was going to say wouldn’t be good. "Have I done," she asked, "anything wrong?" 

He shook his head, "no." 

"It's about us?" she dared to ask and he nodded. He glanced away, she reached out touching his arm gently, "tell me." 

Chakotay pulled slightly away letting her hand fall, her eyes widened in surprise. "Seven," he said gently as he could, "how much do you know of the Captain's and mine's friendship?" 

That was a question she wasn't expecting. "You have a strong friendship," she said. "That has been observed for years. You have also been her confidant and first officer." 

"Yes," he said, with a nod. "That's true." He glanced at her, "our friendship is much deeper than that." He paused, "before you joined the crew, a couple of years before, we were stranded on a planet together because we both caught a fatal disease that couldn't be cured. Suffice to say, we were and returned to the ship." He sighed, "and in our time there, we grew very close. We fell in love -" 

"’Love'?" she repeated and he glanced at her with a nod. "But, on Voyager, you couldn't-?" 

"No," he replied, "we couldn't and she wouldn't." He shrugged, "until a year and a half ago, we became lovers on the holodeck only." 

Seven felt her heart skip at this news, "you became lovers?" 

He noticed how her already beautiful pale skin had drained. Her eyes were so blue and wide now as she stared at him, but he had to finish telling her the rest. He then stepped closer to her, "that was how we managed to meet and not with Starfleet protocol in the way." She nodded and quickly wiped a tear. His heart ached with how he was hurting her. He didn't want to, but he had to make her understand why. "In the beginning," he continued, "something happened." He glanced at her, "the Captain -Kathryn -became pregnant." 

Seven's mouth dropped slightly and she felt her chest tighten in anguish. She turned away from him, why -why are you telling -" she asked in a harsh whisper, "me this?" She never noticed the Captain had been pregnant, her physique never changed. 

"I have to," he replied and stepped up behind her, placing his hands gently on her arms. "She's decided," he added, "to carry the baby now -" 

Seven fought to control her reaction, she shuddered as she realized what he was saying. "She never terminated?" she asked. 

"No," he replied softly. 

She then turned to him, "but, how?" 

"The Doctor put the baby," he said, "into a suspension until she was ready. Until we were ready." 

"We?" she repeated. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean," he said gently, "me and Kathryn," and he gripped her shoulders gently supporting her when her legs weakened in shock. "Seven, please understand, I can't let her do this alone." He sighed, "I love her and I know she still loves me. She wouldn't be doing this if that wasn't the case." 

Seven blinked and forced herself to stand, as she did, she pulled away from him and remembered the admiral telling her how her relationship with Chakotay wasn't a good thing. She was ready to end the relationship after that and he convinced her not to and now he was asking her to let him go to raise his child with the captain. "I understand," she said finally. 

He watched her curiously at her sudden change of emotion. “You do?" 

"Yes," she said. "The Admiral was right after all. If I had known this, I wouldn't have pursued you, Chakotay. I'm sorry -" 

"-Nobody knew," he said. "Only the Doctor -" 

"He knew?" she asked. "When he also knew when I expressed -?" And stopped in thought, "of course he did. Why didn't he tell me?" 

"He couldn't," Chakotay replied. "I know you understand patient confidentiality?" She nodded, "I didn't want to hurt you, Seven. And, I can't hurt Kathryn, she needs me now more than ever." 

"I wouldn't," she said, "want her to either." She really didn't want Kathryn to go through the pregnancy alone. He tenderly touched her face, "can I ask you something?" 

"Of course," he said and lowered his hand breaking contact. 

She stared at him, "when I first asked you on a date, why did you accept if your still in love with Kathryn?" 

Chakotay stared at her, realizing she had the right to know. He sighed, "because, when we broke up," he replied, "home was still light years away." 

"Did you or -?"

"She did," he claimed, "and I still don't know why. Now, I have to make it right." she nodded and he smiled gently at her and started to leave. 

Just as he was about to walk out, "Chakotay," she called. He stopped and turned, "we can still be friends?" 

"Yes," he said, "always, Seven. And, thank you," she nodded with a small smile. Seven watched him turn and walk out of the lab and her life. She stood for a moment in thought and then turned back to the console to finish her work. 

=/\=

When Chakotay left astrometrics, he headed straight for Kathryn's quarters to make things right. To tell her he'd be there for her. 

To ask her to marry him. 

He stopped outside her quarters and touched the chime. There wasn't any answer. He touched it again and still nothing. That's when he realized she wasn't there now. He hoped she wasn't on the bridge. That'd be one heck of a place to propose marriage, but he'd do it if he had to. 

"Computer," he said, "locate Captain Janeway." 

"Captain Janeway," it said, "is on holodeck one." 

He nodded as he realized and turned heading to the nearby lift. 

=/\=

He arrived outside the holodeck a few minutes later and saw she was running their program. He hadn’t been there since the last time they were together. He smiled softly and entered the holodeck. 

He walked through the woods and into the clearing where the house was. As he neared, he heard music coming from inside. She was alone as he expected her to be. The door was open and he quietly entered and found her sitting in the dining room. Her back was to him and she didn't see him enter. He saw her wearing the blue dress and gently touching her abdomen with a soft smile. "Hungry?" he asked softly. 

Kathryn gasped in shock and stood up facing him as he walked closer to her. He kept his gaze with hers. She shook her head, "no. What -?" 

"Why not?" Chakotay asked gently. "You'll be eating for two soon enough." 

Kathryn then realized why he was there. She muttered, "the Doctor." She found she couldn't be angry at her chief medical officer, he did it because he cared. "I thought this was in confidence and he broke -" 

"Actually," he said, "he didn't, since both of us are involved." He stood just before her, "why, Kathryn?" 

She stared at him and then turned away, "I lost myself," she replied softly. "That last time here. I don't know but, I just got so homesick -" 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

Kathryn wrapped her arms around herself, "I wanted to, but I couldn't." 

She suddenly felt his hands gently on her shoulders. Her eyes started to burn with tears, "I didn't want to end it but, I didn't -" and he held her, kissing the back of her neck softly. She reached up placing her hand over his and leaned into him, "and I drove you away. Once we arrived home, I decided to have the baby-" 

"Oh, love," he said, "I'm never leaving you -" she turned to him, her eyes bright with tears, "but, what about you and Seven -?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Not anymore -" 

"What?" she asked surprised. 

"The moment the Doctor," he replied, "told me what you were planning, I told Seven everything and that we just had to remain friends. Did you think it was going to let you do this alone?" 

The tears spilled down her face, "Chakotay -" 

He then took her face in his hands, catching her tears with them. "I love you, Kathryn Janeway," he said tenderly, "and only you. I'm so sorry for hurting you -" 

"No," she said tearfully, "I'm sorry for doing it," and she embraced him, still crying. 

Chakotay held her gently, crooning softly to her as he stroked her back. They stood holding each other tightly and he kissed her neck and whispered, "so, when do you plan to do it?" 

Kathryn sighed wiping her face, and she looked at him, "in two or three months. I think once the debriefings are over and I take shoreleave." 

He tenderly stroked her tears away, "how about we take shoreleave together," he suggested, "and call it a honeymoon?" 

Kathryn stared at him as she realized what he was asking, "a honeymoon?" 

He nodded with a soft smile. Everything was going to be okay and just as they'd planned a while ago. She laughed tearfully and he frowned confused, she then embraced him tightly, "yes! Yes!" Chakotay chuckled holding her as she laughed and cried at the same time in his arms. He kissed her head and face gently taking her face in his hands that was now warm and wet. She stared at him and he kissed her deeply and gently. 

Kathryn responded happily and felt her body grow warm again as he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him and he placed his hands on her lower back and she suddenly wanted him again. She could feel his arousal against her and clung to him. "Kathryn," he whispered, as he kissed her face and throat. "I’ve missed you."

"I've missed you," she moaned and he looked at her. She felt like she were on fire when he touched her now. "Yes, Chakotay. Please -" and he kissed her again leading her towards the bedroom. 

Once they reached the bed, they began to undress each other slowly. As each piece was removed, a soft deep kiss was placed there. Once she lay down with him and he kissed her deeply and gently again, she responded holding him tightly. 

He gazed down at her, "how long do we have?" 

Kathryn reached up taking his face in her hands, "until 0300 -" he started to smile, they had several hours. He kissed her again and she groaned when he slid his hands up to cup and caress her breasts. 

They made tender love slowly exploring each other by lingering over each sensitive area. He had her crying his name as she came from his ministrations and when he finally brought them together, she sobbed as she realized how close she came to losing him. 

He soothed her gently, as he continued to move deeper into her with each breath. Chakotay was as gentle with her as he could be, considering her reason's with why they split. Now that they were together again and she was going to carry the baby finally, he cherished her with the softest, warmest kisses and told her how beautiful she was to him. 

When she finally came, she cried with relief as he held her and that she actually felt something again. He soothed her gently as they held each other as her tears calmed. He kissed her face, "are you okay?" He asked tenderly as she wiped her face and curled against him. He held her gently, stroking her face softly. 

"Yes," she whispered, "I am," and turned into his arms. "In fact, I'm better now than I have been in a long time." He smiled at her, she kissed him gently as he responded, her mouth opening to his. After several moments, he began to kiss her face, beginning to caress her gently, wanting her again and not wanting to break contact. She gave a soft moan as he kissed slowly down to a breast and took the hardened bud in his mouth beginning to savor it gently. She ran her fingers through his hair, "I've decided -" 

"What?" he murmured, moving to the next one. 

"I want a girl," she told him and groaned when his hand drifted over her abdomen and down to her womanhood. She opened her legs to give him access as he started to gently stroke her. 

"I like girls," he said, his voice deep with passion. 

Kathryn felt her body shudder and she gasped, "oh, I'm glad you do!" He was traveling down her, placing soft warm kisses on her and she cried out when he placed his mouth on her. "Chak -" and gave a deep moan of pleasure when he plunged his tongue inside to taste her. "Oh, yes -" 

He could hear her moans of pleasure and that aroused him more, as her scent surrounded him. He couldn't get enough of her, as he loved everything about her. He felt her shudder again and could tell she was close. He then pulled away and lay against her, kissing her again as he positioned himself against her. 

Kathryn slid her legs around his hips and tasted herself on him, as their tongues meshed gently. She slid her hands down to his backside caressing and to guide him. When he slid deeply into her, she groaned and arched her hips holding him to her. 

"Wait,” she whispered, against his mouth, savoring the feel of him. 

He gazed at her, "what's wrong?" 

She smiled up at him, "nothing. I just need to feel you -" 

Chakotay felt like he was going to explode and she wanted him to wait? 

"Kathryn, don't tease me now," he whispered as he buried his face in her neck. 

"I'm not," she whispered, “Just go slowly, Chakotay, please." 

“Anything you'd like,” he said and began to move slowly against her. She gripped him tightly to her kissing his shoulder and he lifted his head looking at her. "I love you," he said gently. 

"I love you," she said and lifted her hips to get him closer. Chakotay then rolled her above him and she sat up moving her hips downward just as slow as he did. He sat up kissing her, wrapping her tighter against him and they began to rock gently. 

She began kissing his eyes and face and felt her body shudder around his. She forced the urge back to go faster. He ran his hand up into her hair gripping it gently, kissing her throat and neck. 

"Kathryn," he whispered, as they continued to rock. "I can't hold back much -" and she kissed him gently, holding his face in her hands. He responded and groaned when she started to move faster, her muscles started to grip him more. Kathryn felt her body shudder and embraced him groaning in the pleasure as she pressed him deeper into her. 

He held her hips guiding her, "mmm -yes," she gasped, "you feel so good!" 

He kissed her neck and shoulder, as he guided her against him. He wanted control now and rolled over against her beginning to pound harder into her. She cried out burying her face in his neck, her release was building tighter. 

"Tell me when," he gasped, in her ear. "Tell me when you're ready." 

She clung to him, her moan's getting louder. Her body shuddered deeply again, "yes," she said. "Now, please!" And he began to move deeper and harder, she cried out arching her hips to his. When she came, she let out a loud groan clutching him. As her body quaked from it, he continued to move against her. She whispered in his ear, "we're in my ready room, over my desk -" Chakotay groaned feeling his release, as his life spilled into her and he collapsed against her gasping. 

"Oh spirits," he whispered, he kissed her neck and gazed at her and she smiled at him. 'You're so beautiful," he kissed her tenderly. 

She responded and then he lay beside her as she curled into his arms. After a moment, she sighed gazing at him, "just think," she said softly, "in a couple of months, we can use a real bed." 

Chakotay touched her eye tenderly with a soft smile, "I can't wait." He kissed her nose softly, "so you want a girl?" 

"Very much," she replied as he began to stroke along the length of her back. 

"To dress up in pretty dresses, help her with her hair -" 

"And teach her quantum mechanics?" 

Kathryn laughed, "yes, that too," he chuckled. “You know me too well, Chakotay." She then propped herself up on her elbow looking at him, "and what do you want? A boy or girl?" 

"Oh, Kathryn," he said, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. "I don't care, long as he or she is healthy and happy." 

She studied him, "you're serious? You really feel that way?" He nodded, she smirked, "I thought you'd want a boy." 

"Why did you think that?" 

She shrugged, "I don't know. I just thought all men wanted boys," he smiled gently at her. "I figured you'd want a boy to play football or teach sandpainting -" 

"I can do that with a girl," he claimed. 

"I bet you could," she said, with a soft smile. 

He stared at her and then reached over taking her hand and weaved it with his. "Where do you want to go on our honeymoon?" he asked curiously. 

"I thought about," she replied, "staying at the family house in Lake George for a month or so. What about you?" 

"Long as you're there," he said, "any place is fine with me." He then pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair and neck. "I'm so happy I found out the problem, my love." 

Kathryn closed her eyes as she held him and she kissed his ear. "So am I." 

They left the holodeck shortly after 0100 because they had another busy day before arriving at Earth. Chakotay walked her back to her quarters and inside, where he saw her open boxes and kissed her goodnight. 

Kathryn watched him leave and smiled at him. Once he left, she changed for bed and settled down falling into a deep sleep. 

The next day, Kathryn greeted Admiral Paris and Hayes in the shuttlebay for her first mission debriefing. She gave them a tour of the ship, introduced her senior staff and they entered her ready room. Chakotay was in charge during this. 

From that point on, the debriefings continued all the way until the final approach. Kathryn reviewed all the logs and filled them in on any questions they had. Both were satisfied with her answers and told her they'd decide on the Equinox survivors before the end of the month and would talk to Chakotay about the Maquis crewmembers. She insisted on being there during the questioning, but would just be there as support. When the ship made its final approach, several crewmembers shed more tears. Kathryn sat in her chair fighting her own tears at the sight of the beautiful blue and white sphere looming closer. 

"It's only 1800 hours," Harry announced, "in San Francisco. I'll be home for dinner -" 

"Save a spot for us and the baby," Tom added, the smile heard. 

"You're all invited," Harry chimed in, with a laugh. 

Kathryn smiled brightly and glanced at Chakotay who smiled at her. 

“Perhaps we'll take you up on that, Harry," she said and reached over taking his hand in hers. Then added softly, "after the wedding, of course." 

He leaned closer, "of course." 

Tom blinked in shock of what he heard, but didn't turn around. He saw a keypad light up on his console, "we've just been given clearance, captain." 

"Reduce to sublight," she ordered. 

"Yes, ma'me," he said and cut the engines back. 

Kathryn tapped the comm, "all hands, we're on final approach. Prepare for landing." she looked over at Tuvok, "Mr. Tuvok, put the ship in grey mode and take all nonessentials offline." 

"Aye, Captain," he replied, and the bridge lights turned a bluish-white. "All replicators are now offline, as well as the holodecks and transporters." 

Kathryn nodded and turned back watching as the ship made contact with the upper atmosphere and then leveled out. Once they started their descent, she could make out the lights of Paris and soon, New York.

She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, "it's beautiful," Chakotay said softly, expressing her thoughts. 

"Yes, it is," she said and then saw the lights of Los Angeles as they traveled up the coast. Colors of plasma bursts greeted the lost ship as they headed to San Francisco. Once she spotted the Golden Gate, she stood up, "Tom, circle the city first," she instructed and he did as requested, creating a long loop around it. Her heart leaped, "we're home," she whispered, "thank you, admiral." Just as they were approaching the bridge again, "extend landing struts," and Tom did. "Prepare to disengage engines," and they slowly sank down onto the enormous tarmac beside Starfleet Headquarters. Everyone was holding their breath as the ship finally touched down and the engines disengaged. 

They waited for her to speak, as it was silent and she said finally, "all hands, I'd like to welcome you home," and suddenly the comm speakers erupted with cheers and shouts of joy. The bridge wasn't quiet and Kathryn turned observing her happy crew.

Chakotay stood facing her and she held out her hand. He took it gently as she stepped closer to him, "welcome home, Kathryn," he said. She smiled and they embraced tightly and happily joining their crew. 

It took alittle over a month for the debriefings to officially end. The Maquis were all repatriated and offered the chance to stay in Starfleet or go on their own. Chakotay had submitted his paper on the Ventu to the Archeological and Sciences Division and received rave reviews throughout the quadrant. 

Because of this, he received offers for positions in various organizations, including an actual upgrade to full commander and head of the Life Sciences section in the Department of Scientific Research and Development, which would study various new life forms without warp technology. 

Kathryn was offered the admiralty, but she didn't give her decision right away. She was now planning her small wedding that included just the senior staff and family. To keep the media at bay and quiet because of whom she was marrying, both she and Chakotay requested separate apartments next to each other, but that had an adjoining door so they could live on one side. 

After a long day, one of the final ones was the debriefing regarding the fate of the Equinox survivors. Kathryn was exhausted as she sat on the sofa in the living room with her feet curled beneath her. 

Chakotay walked over and handed her a hot cup of coffee, "here you go." 

"Thanks," she said, taking it with a smile. He sank down beside her and she uncurled, stretching her legs across his for his customary massages that he was giving her each night. 

"Tough day?" he asked gently, as he worked on her feet. 

She groaned, "it hasn't been easy, but I don't want to talk about that. How was your day? Any decision on what you've decided to do?" 

He shrugged with a sigh, "I'm debating on that position with the science division and the one with the Smithsonian. Have you decided about the promotion?" 

"I think we have a problem," she said. 

He looked at her, "what's that?" 

She sighed, "well, we're getting married in two weeks, right?" He nodded, "well, what would happen if you take the job in the science department?" He gazed at her, "Chakotay, we're on that level again -" 

Chakotay leaned towards her, "Kathryn, we're not. I won't be under your command, remember?" She stared at him, "I think you need our honeymoon soon-" 

"Really?" she asked, her voice growing husky. She pulled her legs away from him and placed her cup down on the side table. She then stood up and then straddled him on the sofa taking his face in her hands. "I think we should start now -" 

His arousal sprang to life and he grinned, "that's not a bad idea," she kissed him gently. He responded sliding his hand down her back and into her uniform trousers caressing her warm skin. As he did, he turned her against the length of the sofa, laying her against it and pressed his body to hers. 

Kathryn held him tightly, her own arousal building. He began to kiss her face and throat, she sighed, "we really should find a more," and groaned when one of his hands cupped a breast beneath her shirt. "comfortable place –“ 

"You started this," he said softly. He lifted his head gazing at her, "I think we should stay here," and lowered his head to her exposed breast beginning to savor it gently.

Kathryn moaned feeling a rush of warmth while holding his head, and she tilted back her head against the large pillow trying to keep her thoughts together. "Chakotay -" she whispered, "there's not enough room," and he lay against her again kissing her. She responded, their tongues meshed in the growing passion. 

He slid both hands beneath her shirt and lifted it off and over her head tossing it. "we've got plenty of room," he said, his hunger heard. He kissed her deeply and passionately again. 

She had no choice but to agree. She responded and slid her hands beneath the light sweater he was wearing to caress his warm, smooth skin. 

They began shedding their clothing for the passion that was building. As soon as he removed her trousers and his own, they kissed deeply again. Suddenly in the din, they heard the door chime. 

Kathryn groaned as Chakotay was starting to caress beneath her panties. She chose to ignore the door chime, but it rang again. 

She sighed pulling away, "Chakotay someone's at the door -" 

"-Ignore it -" he whispered and kissed her again.

This time it rang again, but the caller was holding the sensor down. She cursed, "we have to answer that -" he stopped and gazed at her. "It could be important," and then pulled away from him realizing her state of undress. "Get your clothes on, but I'm changing." She picked up hers, "and answer the door!" She ran into their bedroom. Chakotay groaned and pulled on his sweater and trousers. 

"It had better be important!" he called back to her. He walked over to the door and opened it to find Tom holding Miral. He smirked, "Tom, I should have guessed." The amusement in Tom's eyes was evident as he noticed Chakotay's mussed hair. 

"Did I wake you?" he asked. 

He leaned against the doorframe, "what do you want, Tom?" 

"B'Elanna's working late tonight," Tom replied, "and I've been called in for the royal transport to Jupiter Station -" Chakotay sighed, knowing that was Tom's way of explaining he had to fly some Starfleet brass to a meeting. It was an honor to be able to do this. "Can you and the Captain watch Miral?" 

"Who is it?" Kathryn asked, coming up behind Chakotay, now dressed in a soft, white-knit blouse with matching trousers. "Hi, Tom -" 

Chakotay glanced down at her, "he wants us to babysit." 

She smiled, "that's fine. Besides, I need the practice," Tom handed her the sleeping Miral and gave Chakotay the diaper bag. "Where's B'Elanna?"

"She's working late at Starfleet Propulsion," he replied. "I left message that Miral would be here. So, she'll pick her up in a few hours."

"No problem," Kathryn claimed and tenderly kissed the top of the baby's head. She turned leaving both Tom and Chakotay at the door. 

Tom peered into the apartment after her, he grinned, "look's like she's ready to be a mommy already." 

"Goodnight, Tom," Chakotay said, the edge in his voice heard. 

"Goodnight," he replied, taking the hint. "Thanks, Chakotay," and he left. 

Chakotay turned closing the door to find Kathryn placing the baby in the portable bassinet she had bought for their baby after coming home. He smiled watching her dote over the infant. "Kathryn -" 

"Ssh," she said softly as he walked up to them. "She's sleeping -" 

He nodded and pulled her away from the bassinet kissing her softly, "I love seeing you like this." 

She wrapped her arms around him, "well, by next year, it'll be for real.” They embraced gently and she felt his hands on her backside. She moaned, "we can’t while Miral's here," and pulled away, "now, what's for dinner?" 

By the next week, all the Equinox survivors were going to be sent to the New Zealand Penal Colony for the next five years and then they would be dishonorably discharged from Starfleet. 

Two days after the debriefings officially ended, both held their rehearsal dinner in a private room at a nearby restaurant. The wedding was due to take place in the small Starfleet chapel on base at the end of the week and then Chakotay and Kathryn would honeymoon for a month in Lake George. 

They already set the date for Kathryn to go to Starfleet Medical after the honeymoon to have the baby replanted. She was already going for a series of tests to be sure it'd be a safe pregnancy and began easing off the coffee. 

The night before the wedding, Chakotay had kissed her goodnight and left to spend the night at Tom and B'Elanna's. B'Elanna was going to stay with Kathryn to keep her company and calm. Both her mother, sister and brother-in-law were staying at a nearby hotel. 

=/\=

She stood in the bedroom holding her simple white organza sheath gown to her as she stood in front of the full length mirror. 

"Chakotay won’t," B'Elanna said softly, "be able to take his eyes off you." 

Kathryn turned to her, "think so?" 

She entered the room and picked up the simple, floor length sheer veil from the bed, that had a diamonized tiara attached and walked over to her with it. She reached up fitting it somewhat onto Kathryn's head. "Oh yes," she said, staring at her former captain. "He's loved you for a long time." 

"I know," Kathryn said and turned gazing in the mirror at herself. 

The ceremony was simple and romantic, as they were surrounded by candlelight, friends and family. The reception took place at a nearby restaurant and they spent the night a hotel before taking a private shuttle to Lake George. 

It was early fall as they spent their mornings sleeping late and making love. They also used the small rowboat located on the dock to use on the lake. 

A week before they had to return back to San Francisco, they made a romantic dinner and finished it on the deck as they watched the sunset over the lake. 

=/\=

Kathryn groaned in the pleasure as she pressed her body to his feeling Chakotay moving deeper and harder into her. She gasped as she felt her body shudder, his warm breath felt on the back of her neck. 

He held her gently, feeling her arm wrapped around his neck holding him. He stroked a breast in one hand keeping her aroused. She cried out and turned her head up to his as they kissed deeply. 

She needed to feel him closer, her release was so close. She then rolled more on her stomach gripping the bed sheets as he lay more against her, pulling her hips tighter to him. 

Kathryn felt her body shudder deeply again, "oh, yes -!"

"I love you," he whispered, feeling his own release. He started pounding into her harder, burying his face in her neck and hair. She cried out again, her back was arched into him. 

Kathryn felt her muscles grab him as the ache built and suddenly released. She keened in the pleasure, still gripping the sheets, her body quaking in the aftermath as she gasped. Chakotay's release came right after and he groaned collapsing against her. They lay quietly as he wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on her back shoulder. "Oh, spirits Kathryn," he moaned, he didn't know their lovemaking would get this better after the wedding. 

She closed her eyes for a moment, mentally thinking the same thing. She gave a small moan and moved slightly. He felt her and rolled off her as she curled back into his body. His arms surrounded her, "I've never been so happy," she whispered. 

"Me neither," he replied softly and kissed her ear gently. 

Kathryn turned into his arms facing him and lifted her head kissing him gently. He responded and then she looked at him beginning to trace the shape of his mouth and the dimple nearby with her fingertip. 

“You realize," she said, "if we continue to make love like that, we'll have a dozen kids soon enough." 

He chuckled, "I hope so -" 

"You want a dozen -?" she asked shocked, he grinned at her. "Chakotay, I'm not a baby-making -" 

"I'm kidding, Kathryn," he said and reached around him pulling the top sheet and a light blanket over them. 

"Well,” she said, “at least the Doctor found me healthy enough to still have the baby." 

He nodded tenderly stroking her brow, "that's good." He studied her in the twilight that shone through the nearby glass doors that led to the upper deck. "Have you decided where you want to buy a house?" 

"I found a nice colonial," she replied, "on the Oakland side. It has a decent backyard and access to a private beach." 

"Sounds nice,” he said gently, “for an admiral's family to be."

She smirked, "do you think I should take the job? I want to have time for you and the baby. It's going to take a lot of my time." 

"Do you want it?” he asked her and she sighed laying on her back. "Kathryn?" 

"I want both,” she finally replied and glanced at him. "But, I have a husband now and after next week, to get ready for my baby and -" 

“How long will it take," he asked curiously, for you to get that department in order?" 

She shrugged, “I don't know. Maybe five months or more, depending on what's going on." 

"When will you go on maternity leave?" 

"The week I'm due," she replied, and she stared at him. "I don't know, Chakotay. You've seen me work and I don't want to become that machine again." 

He cupped the side of her face gently, "you won't, my love." 

"Thank you for loving me," she whispered, touched by his belief in her. 

“You don't have to thank me," he said and she embraced him as he held her gently. "I love you so much, Kathryn." 

She smiled, "I love you, too." 

Two days after they returned home from the honeymoon, they reported to the Doctor's new offices at Starfleet Medical. Once they arrived, the Doctor greeted them happily and brought them into the private exam room. 

"How is she?" Kathryn asked him, somewhat nervous. 

He smiled at her, "she's just fine, Captain," and saw Chakotay place a tender kiss on her face. "Are you ready?" 

"For a very long time," Kathryn replied. 

"How about you change," he said, "and get comfortable on the biobed?" 

"Okay," she said, with a sigh and his nurse handed her a changing gown. 

Shortly later, Kathryn lay on the bed in the gown with Chakotay beside her and holding her hand. The Doctor entered and lowered the lights in the room, but left a couple illuminated in the actual exam area.

He stepped over to them and picked up a hypo and turned to them, "I'm going to sedate you again," he told her gently and she nodded. "When you wake up, you'll be pregnant again." 

"Thank you, Doctor," she said and Chakotay leaned over kissing her gently. 

"I love you," she whispered, as Chakotay pulled away. 

"I love you, too," he said as she stared up at him and nodded. The Doctor put the hypo to her neck and injected the sedative. Kathryn's eyes slowly closed and she fell asleep. 

The Doctor had the nurse set up the special medical transporter over Kathryn's abdomen and to begin scanning for her uterus. He turned away and returned a moment later with the small container that had the dark slide around it. 

Chakotay watched him place it on the table on the other side and open the slide. The dim lighting just showed the embryo still in the fluid and looking as healthy as it did almost two years before. 

"How is it?" he asked him. 

"Perfect," the Doctor replied and the nurse nodded at him. "We're ready," and the nurse activated the beam. It turned blue/green as the embryo disappeared from the container. He monitored the progress on the console beside the bed and smiled, "oh, she remember's the Captain -" 

"She does?" Chakotay asked shocked. "How can you tell?"

"Because she did a somersault," the Doctor replied, with a chuckle. Chakotay grinned happily down at his sleeping wife. "Once I wake her Chakotay, we'll let her rest in a provided room to let her acclimate. And, she'll also need some vitamin supplements to get the baby up to speed." 

"Okay," Chakotay said with a nod.

"And, just so you're aware," the Doctor said, "she'll experience a few more weeks of morning sickness." 

"I'll let her know," he said and stared down at her. "Wake her?" 

"Of course,” the Doctor said and picked up a hypo. The nurse had removed the small medical transporter and the empty container. He gave her the stimulant, "I'll be back with a gurney," and left them alone. 

Chakotay leaned over Kathryn and gently kissed her awake. She stirred softly as her eyes slowly opened. They stared at each other, he smiled gently at her, "hello there." 

She sighed, letting her eyes focus on her husband, “am I pregnant again?" She asked, somewhat weak. 

“Yes, you are,” he said, with a nod. “And, she's doing somersaults because she remembers you.” Kathryn laughed softly, he did as well. She attempted to sit up and he stopped her, “oh no, your resting here for a few hours, or at least, in a nice comfortable hospital bed. They're coming back to transport you to a private room." 

Kathryn nodded, "I won't argue,” she did feel alittle lightheaded. She placed her free hand against her abdomen and he reached over placing his over her gently as they gripped gently. “How soon?" 

"About seven months,” he replied. "He'll have a more accurate due date in a few hours.” 

She swallowed slightly thirsty, “I can't wait.” She stared up at him, “I love you, Chakotay.” 

"Oh, Kathryn,” he said tenderly. "I love you, too.” 

Seven months later, Kathryn finally gave birth to an eight pound, six ounce baby girl. She had tears of joy as her daughter was placed in her arms for the first time. Chakotay was ecstatic with the birth, as he was now at the Smithsonian and Kathryn on maternity leave from the rear admiral's division. 

Life was put on hold far duty and resumed by the love of two hearts where devotion spanned two quadrants. 

END

Feedback would Be Really Appreciated 


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